Raising a Thinking Preteen

The "I Can Problem Solve" Program for 8- to 12- Year-Olds

Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D.; with Roberta Israeloff

Holt Paperbacks

On Back-Talk:

Your nine-year-old son says, "That's stupid," to his father, who responds:

1. Don't back-talk me! I'm the father, you're the child. Do you understand this.
2. I feel very angry when you talk back to me.
3. Can you think of a different way to tell me how you feel?
4. Did you hear what you just said? You must learn how to talk to people or they won't want to talk to you.

The "I Can Problem Solve" answer: #3

On Being Tested:

Your nine-year-old daughter whines, "She's calling me names." You say:

1. You've got to learn to ignore it.
2. Tell the teacher.
3. Tease her back. Don't just take that.
4. What can you do or say so she'll stop teasing you?
5. Ask her why she does that.

The "I Can Problem Solve" answer: #4

Through a series of exercises, games, and discussions, parents can teach their preteens to:

--learn to wait for what they want
--cope with frustration
--get along better with peers
--control their impulses and aggressions
--resist feelings of depression