• CHAPTER ONE •
Do you remember the last time you tried to give Kitty a bath?
The first lesson that all cat owners must learn is that . . .
For your own safety, please repeat this to yourself four thousand eight hundred ninety-three times.
It’s not that cats don’t like baths. It’s not that cats have a difficult relationship with baths. It’s not that cats chose not to vote for baths in the last election. It’s not that cats would rather choose vanilla over baths. It’s not that cats neglect to send baths a card on their birthdays. It’s not that cats pick baths last when choosing sides for a kick ball game. It’s not that cats think about baths in the same way a fire hydrant thinks about dogs. It’s not that cats look at baths in the same way that a vegetarian looks at ten pounds of raw liver. It’s not that cats once bought baths an awesome present that cost an entire month’s allowance, and then baths didn’t even have the decency to say “thank you.”
It’s simply that . . .
Think about it this way . . .
Despite what most people say, cats don’t hate water. Fish live in water, and cats LOVE fish. So most cats don’t mind getting a little wet.
But cats do HATE baths. That’s because cats only like to get wet when they’re the ones in control, when they choose to get wet. If someone else has decided to make them wet, they HATE it.
And if a cat has to get wet, the water had better be warm.
A cat’s fur is very good at keeping her warm, but not so good at keeping her dry. So if a cat gets wet in cold weather, that poor cat will have a hard time getting warm again. And that poor cat can catch a bad cold.
So, cats should always be bathed in warm (NOT HOT) water.
Cats hate showers, too. And they rarely sing old show tunes.
Now that you understand that cats hate baths (you will be tested), you will find it much easier to prepare Kitty’s bath BEFORE putting her in it.
The following are some of the items you will need for Kitty’s bath: