TED TRAVELSTEAD is a writer and performer. He is a co-author of SEX: Our Bodies, Our Junk, a contributor to Care To Make Love In That Gross Little Space Between Cars?: A Believer Book of Advice, and has written for Esquire, Vanity Fair, Radar, and McSweeney’s, among other publications. As an actor he has appeared onstage performing sketch and stand-up at various venues in New York City, and in a broad range of films, comedic shorts, and music videos. He is a frequent tweeter; follow him at @trumpetcake.
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WARNING: The satire you are about to read will change the way you look at our nation’s leaders. FOREVER.
In November 2012, General David Petraeus stepped...