You Better Not Cry

Stories for Christmas

Augusten Burroughs

Picador

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You’ve eaten too much candy at Christmas…but have you ever eaten the face off a six-footstuffed Santa? You’ve seen gingerbread houses…but have you ever made your own gingerbread tenement? You’ve woken up with a hangover…but have you ever woken up next to Kris Kringle himself? Augusten Burroughs has, and in this caustically funny, nostalgic, poignant, and moving collection he recounts Christmases past and present—as only he could. With gimleteyed wit and illuminated prose, Augusten shows how the holidays bring out the worst in us and sometimes, just sometimes, the very, very best.

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You Better Not Cry
t’s not that I was an outright nitwit of a child. IIt’s that the things even a nitwit could do with little or no instruction often confused me. Simple, everyday sorts of things tripped me up. Stacking metal chairs, for example. Everybody in class just seemed to know exactly how to fold the seat up into the back and then nest them all together like Prin­gles potato chips. I sat on the floor for ten minutes with one of the things as if somebody had told me to just stare at it. Concentrate hard, Augusten, try and turn it into an eggplant with your mind.

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Augusten Burroughs - You Better Not Cry - Book Trailer

A book promotion for You Better Not Cry, a collection of short stories from author Augusten Burroughs.

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You Better Not Cry by Augusten Burroughs--Audiobook Excerpt

Listen to this audiobook excerpt and hear bestselling author Augusten Burroughs read from his book You Better Not Cry, a New York Times bestselling collection of Christmas stories from the #1 bestselling author of Running with Scissors. You've eaten too much candy at Christmas...but have you ever eaten the face off a six-foot stuffed Santa? You've seen gingerbread houses...but have you ever made your own gingerbread tenement?

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Reviews

Praise for You Better Not Cry

"In his trademark wit and self-deprecating humor . . . Burroughs compiles his favorite Christmas memories. From gnawing the face off of a life-size wax Santa to waking up beside a naked real-life Saint Nick at the Waldorf Astoria, Burroughs spares no details describing why Christmas has always been his favorite holiday." --Vanity Fair

"For those who like their holiday spirit with gallons of vodka and a heaping portion of irreverence, You Better Not Cry is at times a laugh-out-loud read. . . . Burroughs is as frank and revealing as ever. . . . Fans won't be disappointed." --San Francisco Chronicle

"Burroughs succeeds best at evoking true holiday spirit, reminding us that whatever's left after the bulbs stop twinkling, the cookies are all eaten, and the trees lose their tinsel is what's most important." --Elle

"Terribly funny, in his tragically honest style . . . You may not cry, but you'll definitely laugh." --The Miami Herald

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About the Author

Augusten Burroughs

Augusten Burroughs is the author of Running with Scissors, Dry, Magical Thinking: True Stories, Possible Side Effects, and A Wolf at the Table. He is also the author of the novel Sellevision, which is currently in development for film. The film version of Running with Scissors, directed by Ryan Murphy and produced by Brad Pitt, was released in October 2006 and starred Joseph Cross, Brian Cox, Annette Bening (nominated for a Golden Globe for her role), Alec Baldwin and Evan Rachel Wood. Augusten's writing has appeared in numerous magazines and newspapers around the world including The New York Times and New York Magazine. In 2005 Entertainment Weekly named him one of “The 25 Funniest People in America.” He resides in New York City and Western Massachusetts.

Augusten Burroughs

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Available Formats and Book Details

You Better Not Cry
Stories for Christmas
Augusten Burroughs

Trade Paperback

Trade Paperback
Picador
September 2010
Trade Paperback
ISBN: 9780312430061
ISBN10: 031243006X
4 1/2 x 7 1/8 inches, 224 pages
$14.00

Unabridged Digital Audio

Unabridged  Digital Audio
Macmillan Audio
October 2009
Unabridged Digital Audio
ISBN: 9781427207746
ISBN10: 1427207747
Audio Run Time: 6:00
$14.99

e-Book Agency

e-Book Agency
St. Martin's Press
October 2009
e-Book Agency
ISBN: 9781429943758
ISBN10: 1429943750
5 x 7 1/4 inches, 224 pages, Includes two-color text
$9.99
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