Who says there's only one way to the top?
You've tried all the traditional approaches in the business world, read countless self-help books guaranteeing career success, and where has it gotten you? With this unique approach, you can count on the certain demise of your pathetic career. With these bold, surefire gems of business wisdom, you're guaranteed to alienate everyone at the office and wind up destitute in no time.
- Use expense reports to give yourself a nice little bonus. You know the top dogs do.
- Flirt with people at work. You might get a raise, you might get sex. Either way, you can't lose.
- Never let your career interfere with your hobbies.
- Have a good cry at the office at least once a week.
- Booze it up during business lunches.
- If the copier jams while you're using it, bolt.
- Interrupt people if they talk too slowly in meetings.
- Avoid excessive eye contact with people. It gives them the creeps.
So dive into the water with the rest of the sharks and reap your well-deserved failure. And remember, no matter how far down you are on the corporate ladder, failure is only a rung away.