More Life's Little Frustration Book
1 You drop your bread on the floor, butter side down.
2 The label on your shirt collar is driving you crazy.
3 The car in front you has its turn signal on ... thirteen straight miles.
4 You can't rip a window envelope in half.
5 You wake up the entire household pulling a plastic cookie tray out of the wrapper.
6 The toilet seat won't stay up on its own.
7 The dirt smudge is under the Scotch tape.
8 Your sinus-suffering blind date takes you out for fondue.
9 You don't realize the milk is sour until you pour it on your $5-a-box cereal.
10 Your new leather-soled shoes might as well be skates ... and the sidewalk a rink.
11 The insect crawling on your restaurant table doesn't fly.
12 The little foil pull tab on the orange juice carton is too short to pull.
13 "Some assembly required" turns out to be The Lost Weekend.
14 Deep in thought, you drop your Federal Express overnight letter in the mailbox.
15 You spend hundreds of dollars in a store whose cheap bags rip apart the minute you walk out.
16 Everything you have that's made of "space-age plastic" is scratched, broken, or discolored.
17 You forget to tip the skycap and your luggage winds up in Latvia.
18 You bite hungrily into a blueberry muffin that turns out to be a moldy plain one.
19 Your coat is always the one that ends up on the cloakroom floor.
20 Plastic cafeteria trays are designed so that beverage bottles slide right off.
21 You lose half the needles on your $75 Christmas tree getting it through the door.
22 Just when you've got the layout of your supermarket all figured out, they rearrange the merchandise.
23 The portion you're supposed to detach and return with payment doesn't fit into its own envelope.
24 Every time you use an airplane bathroom you hit turbulence.
25 The washing instructions on your garment wash away.
26 Your windshield wiper leaves a streak right at eye level ... Your windshield wiper leaves a streak right at eye level ... Your windshield wiper leaves a streak right at eye level ...
27 You get an itchy nose during a dental procedure and can't do a damn thing about it.
28 Horseflies are ingenious at getting into your house, but can never get out.
29 People leaving the movie theater reveal the ending as you're waiting in line.
30 Your spouse serves for dinner the same thing you had for lunch.
31 Your body lotion erupts in your suitcase at 30,000 feet.
32 You tear up a legitimate check thinking it's junk mail.
33 You agree to a telephone survey and they keep rephrasing the same stupid questions over and over.
34 It's finally your turn at the cash machine and the TEMPORARILY CLOSED FOR SERVICING sign flashes on.
35 You max out on leftover Halloween candy.
36 People who call up the store where you're waiting to be served ... get served first.
37 The waiter refills your half-empty cup of coffee, lousing up your perfect mixture of cream and sugar.
38 You disembark from a harrowing fourhour plane ride and your cabbie drives like a maniac.
39 Your Itty Bitty book light burns out during a climactic scene in the book.
40 The person walking past you on the train clobbers you in the head with her shoulder bag.
41 Tonight's the night you turn back the clock on your radio. And on your VCR ... answering machine ... microwave ... fax ... PC ...
42 Your fellow worshipers, so humble and contrite during church services, cut you off and curse you out in the parking lot.
43 You thought life was complicated enough. Then came the Internet.
44 Three weeks after subscribing to a magazine, you get your first renewal notice.
45 Your living room rug keeps curling up at one corner.
46 You keep tripping over it.
47 Your neighbor's dog slobbers all over you in the elevator.
48 You have to pretend you like it while pushing the mutt off.
49 You pull open a file drawer and the entire cabinet crashes to the floor.
50 Another family member quietly enters the room ... asks you a question ... and scares you half to death.
51 You yearn for simpler days when the telephone company was a monopoly.
52 The train everyone is waiting for on Track 7 is suddenly announced arriving on Track 2.
53 You go out to select a wallpaper, thinking you'll be back in an hour.
54 The driver of the bus you're standing on likes to create human waves.
55 It occurs to you that if you're getting other people's mail, other people are getting yours.
56 You're clueless how to dispose of the pizza box.
57 Drivers without mufflers always do their cruising at 3 A.M.
58 Your new bedside air conditioner leaves you cool ... comfortable ... and deaf in one ear.
59 It kills you to throw away that last, embedded half-inch of deodorant stick.
60 There's no place at the cocktail party to put your Swedish meatball toothpicks.
61 You entertain the entire beach trying to set up a folding cabana chair.
62 Your baby monitor intercepts a disparaging phone conversation ... about you.
63 The restaurant you take your client to reeks of latrine deodorizer.
64 The voice on a TV commercial is that of a famous actor and you can't figure out who it is.
65 Your checking account dips briefly below the minimum balance, and you get slapped with multiple exorbitant fees.
66 That charming old house you bought last summer ... clanks, hisses, and gurgles all winter.
67 The face of the person you're talking to is much too close.
68 Every time you back off, it leans closer.
69 You've got food stuck between your teeth and your tongue isn't the right tool for the job.
70 Your lunch mate laughingly associates your entree with some kind of bodily function.
71 You finally get a chance to watch the hit TV show you only saw once, and it's the same episode.
72 You close the desk drawer and snap your ruler in half.
73 You can't pick up a magazine without getting prissy perfume scent all over you.
74 Just as the movie's starting, a six-foot-three punk with spiked hair sits in front of you.
75 You bite into a bubbling hot serving of microwave lasagna ... that's still frozen inside.
76 The one day you get to rake the leaves, winds are gusting to 30 miles-per-hour.
77 A year is just long enough to forget how you did something last year.
78 You want the window to stay up. It insists on sliding down. (The window wins.)
79 The tissues are wadded so tightly in the box, your first pull nets seven.
80 Just as you drink the last of your orange juice, you realize you forgot to take your vitamins.
81 The fringes of your rug get sucked up into the vacuum cleaner.
82 You have to plod through seven automated phone menus just to get a live voice.
83 ... which tells you you've got the wrong department.
84 Presidents' Day advertisers make George Washington and Abraham Lincoln look like complete idiots.
85 The paint that barely covers the wall takes forever to wash out of the brush.
86 Your nasty annual Christmas cold arrives right on schedule.
87 The shopping bag keeps flopping over to one side.
88 You stretch out your coiled telephone cord and pull the receiver off the table.
89 The bread crust is separating from every slice in the loaf.
90 The guy in front of you at the newsstand is purchasing 25 lottery tickets.
91 The waiter joins in on your intimate conversation.
92 The book you're starting to read has a preface ... and a forward ... and an introduction.
93 For a brief terrifying instant, you think the elevator is free-falling.
94 You borrow an expensive power tool from a neighbor and it breaks while you're using it.
95 Even in this era of high technology, milk cartons still leak.
96 You can't play a game of basketball without jamming a finger.
97 * It's your forecast from hell: "Snow mixing with or changing to sleet and freezing rain."
98 As you're hurriedly writing down a phone message, the pencil point breaks.
99 Two parts of the three-way bulb quickly burn out.
100 You can't get workmen to show up for an estimate, much less a job.
101 It takes you three hours to dig out your car ... and three seconds for the snowplow to bury it again.
102 The size of the servings claimed on a food label couldn't satisfy a chipmunk.
103 When you arrive at the ski resort, it's 55 degrees and pouring rain.
104 No matter how you adjust them, your cheap sunglasses sit crookedly on your face.
105 You're still far back on the bathroom line when flashing lights signal that intermission is over.
106 "One size fits all" means it doesn't really fit anybody.
107 Someone always comes out of nowhere to beat you to the cash register.
108 The red lights in the business district are perfectly timed so you hit every damn one of them.
109 You flick your wrist to tear off the toilet paper and unravel about 15 feet.
110 And can never roll it back up the way it was.
111 Lowlifes with loud mouths always sit behind you at baseball games.
112 You licked the stamp too much and now it won't stick.
113 Your stomach makes loud growling noises in the middle of a business meeting.
114 You have to fumble around in the dark in a messy Portosan toilet.
115 A year after writing a "thank you" note, you find it unmailed in your jacket pocket.
116 Someone's been putting empty containers back into the refrigerator.
117 The bread that's barely toasted when you check on it ... is burnt just seconds later.
118 Psychotherapists never tell you that you don't need to come anymore.
119 When you talk to someone with mirrored sunglasses, you can't see what their eyes are saying and have to stare at your own reflection.
120 That pile of unread magazines--and your guilt--is mounting.
121 The many circular parts of table lamps are always coming loose.
122 It's the third game of an 80-game season, and the announcers are billing it as a must-win situation for both teams.
123 You accidentally drop your toothbrush and it ricochets into the toilet.
124 ... an unflushed toilet.
125 Just as you're passing a slow-moving car, it decides to speed up.
126 You finally finish an agonizing hour-long game of Candy Land with your three-year-old ... and she wants to play again.
127 Your french fries taste like they've been cooked in machine oil.
128 The pen in the post office never works ... if it isn't missing in the first place.
129 At a children's party, you bite into a cookie that's already been sucked on.
130 Three dozen yellow jackets crash your outdoor barbecue.
131 The plumber leaves a mess worse than what he had to fix.
132 Your straw slips irretrievably into the soda bottle.
133 You can't get those last few peas onto the fork without using your fingers.
134 You try cutting a cherry tomato in half and send it flying across the restaurant.
135 Your enjoyment of soft, moist scrambled eggs is shattered by a crunchy piece of eggshell.
136 There are some words your spell checker isn't very affective in detecting.
137 One leaf always gets stuck in the rake.
138 Your car's windshield washer sprays over the roof.
139 You can't take notes on a little spiral notebook, because the friggin' little spiral is in the way.
140 You never loosen the laces enough to remove your boot on the first pull.
141 You're stuck in traffic behind a big truck and have no idea what's happening up ahead.
142 The busboy starts mopping the floor with ammonia while you're still eating.
143 You put too much salt in the stew and there's no going back.
144 The laser-printed characters on your letter flake off at the fold marks.
145 You open your camera to remove the film and discover you forgot to rewind it.
146 The instructions for the foreign-made product were written by someone with a second-grade command of English.
147 It's not a matter of if the elastic band on your party hat will break, but when.
148 Could your swim goggles make you look any dorkier?
149 You blow out a flip-flop with a quarter mile of hot asphalt left to walk.
150 You wish someone would please explain what measurements like degree days, statute miles, and knots mean.
151 The flap pockets on your sport jacket are fake.
152 If only you could get that last tasty piece of shrimp tail out of the shell.
153 You forget to turn off the TV during a blackout and nearly jump out of your skin at 3 A.M. when the power comes back on.
154 You discover that the back windows of your new car don't roll down.
155 People keep filing past you saying "Excuse me" in a narrow library aisle.
156 You have cold hands from late October through early May.
157 Jokes directed at decaf drinkers are beginning to wear thin.
158 You ask if you can hold someone else's baby and it spits up all over you.
159 You get into a major traffic jam on a rural country back road during leaf season.
160 Every time you open your overstuffed closet, something falls on your head.
161 Candles always sit precariously in candlestick holders.
162 The sweating iced tea glass drips all over your lap.
163 They don't tell you in the TV listing that a show will be interrupted three times for a pledge drive.
164 You unwittingly load dirty dishes into a dishwasher full of clean ones.
165 Precocious kids say nauseatingly adult things in TV commercials.
166 That bountiful bowl of fruit on your kitchen counter looks great, but at some point you've got to eat the stuff.
167 Nothing gnaws at your conscience like overdue library books.
168 They discuss things like light days and heavy days in tampon TV commercials.
169 Your name sticker keeps curling up and falling off your lapel.
170 Everyone else's is doing just fine.
171 You break a fingernail in an attempt to become a human staple remover.
172 Tired, bloodshot, and disheveled after a long international flight, you enter a terminal to the stares of hundreds of people.
173 You're roped in by an ad for an "estate sale," only to find a worthless collection of household junk.
174 You have to run the water three minutes before the hot comes up.
175 Your wool slacks keep sliding off the plastic hanger.
176 Pedestrians foolishly insist on walking two abreast on narrow country roads.
177 You live on a street with an embarrassing name like Lovers Lane or Old Sow Road.
178 You reach into a bush to retrieve a ball. A thorny bush.
179 You never know if the "Push here to cross" button made any difference.
180 You hope the fashionable name you give your baby this year isn't a played-out joke a decade from now.
181 The ice cream cup is frozen solid, and they give you this useless little wooden stick to eat it with.
182 It's one of those days where nothing you do is going to please you.
183 You make your tie and it's a little too long. You make it again and it's a little too short. You make it again ...
184 You wonder how the gasoline industry duped you into pumping your own gas and washing your own windshield.
185 Great. You just received another scratchy wool sweater you'll never wear.
186 The unit price of the larger size is greater than the unit price of the smaller size.
187 Rather than dry off in the shower, people drip all over the locker room floor.
188 You're sick of cute little gift shops with dried flowers, calico pin cushions, and $10 jars of jam.
189 Somewhere in the house you have an orphan glove, a pen without a cap, and sunglasses with a missing hinge screw.
190 You don't remember those delicious leftovers until they've spoiled.
191 Your next-door neighbor's kid takes up the drums.
192 It's a given you'll mangle your finger either opening the beach umbrella or closing it.
193 You launder your money. Literally.
194 You arrive at a charming inn for a romantic weekend and your room has two single beds.
195 Your sheet of postage stamps has an annoying little perforated fringe around the edge.
196 Someone comes up and says hello at a party and you can't remember who it is.
197 Now you're expected to introduce the person to your spouse.
198 You go to the store to pick up a single item, get distracted by other things you need, and forget what you originally came in for.
199 The person walking in front of you on a dark street thinks you're going to mug her.
200 Your kitchen cabinet is cluttered with extra packets of duck sauce you're never going to use.
201 You feel like a suspect when walking past a store security guard without having bought anything.
202 The recorded voice on the other end sounds so real, you stupidly start talking to it.
203 You always get the clerk, waiter, or salesperson who's struggling through his first day on the job.
204 You're cornered at a party by someone with complex philosophical theories that make not a bit of sense.
205 Your home heating system creates an ideal indoor environment. For cacti.
206 You unwittingly wear a bright orange sweater on St. Patrick's Day.
207 Your morning paper never has last night's scores.
208 You discover that "bonded leather" isn't really leather.
209 The orange juice carton is too full to shake, so the first glass is pale and tasteless ...
210 ... and the rest is too sweet.
211 No matter how well you think you've cut the sandwich, there's a part that's still connected.
212 The only person you find to ask directions of says, "This is my first time here, too."
213 Your penis pops out between your underwear and your pants, and you pray your fly isn't open.
214 Now you have to reach into your pocket and maneuver it back in without looking like a pervert.
215 You tell an acquaintance you didn't know she was pregnant, and she says: "I'm not."
216 The gauze pad has become part of the scab, and now it's time to come off.
217 You hit a tremendous drive straight down the center of the fairway ... and can't find it.
218 You hit a tremendous drive straight down the center of the fairway ... and dribble your next shot 15 feet.
219 The waiter fails to inform you the plate is hot.
220 Your guest brings a six-pack of beer ... and heads straight for the twelve-year-old scotch.
221 You nibble on your numbed lip after leaving the dentist, giving yourself a whopping cold sore later on.
222 People use the word opinionated to mean erudite or well-read.
223 Another shopper leaves his cart perfectly positioned in the supermarket aisle so you can't pass.
224 Then glares at you when you move it.
225 Someone running the vacuum cleaner in another apartment is lousing up your TV reception.
226 The base of your wine glass gets caught under your place mat, and you pour the contents into your lap.
227 You have to blow up a whole bag of short-necked balloons.
228 You nearly pass out in the process.
229 A gorgeous-looking person of the opposite sex smiles warmly, then says, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else."
230 "Ice" signs always have icicles depicted on them ... like you don't get it.
231 Talk show radio hosts hang up on callers who disagree with them.
232 The auto mechanic always finds a couple of other things that need fixing, too.
233 Your peeler can't handle those little ravines in the potato.
234 You're at the ATM ... you need cash ... three people are waiting behind you ... and you can't remember your PIN number.
235 If the restaurant kitchen is anything like the restaurant bathroom ...
236 Whenever you really need a flashlight, there's only a minute of battery life left.
237 The store brand sucks.
238 Your neighbor installs a flashing neon Santa directly opposite your bedroom window.
239 You're discreetly purchasing condoms at a drugstore and the clerk yells, "Hey, Joe, I need a price on the Trojan Magnums!"
240 No software you ever bought did anything with "just a click."
241 You send out 50 invitations to a party you scheduled for September 31.
242 While traveling overseas, you see your fellow countrymen making complete asses of themselves.
243 Your new, slick-looking sneaker laces can't even hold a knot.
244 The recording says, "The number you have dialed is no longer in service" ... but never tells you why.
245 The contractor's discount coupon must be submitted before he gives you an estimate.
246 Doctors have a new way to make you wait: They shuffle you from room to room so you think you're getting somewhere.
247 During a bout of diarrhea, you get the bathroom stall next to your boss.
248 Appliance repair shops charge you 40-50 for an estimate, virtually ensuring you'll have to accept it.
249 Your neighbor dry-docks his 20-foot cabin cruiser in the driveway next to your house.
250 You laugh during a play when nobody else does, and realize it wasn't supposed to be funny.
251 The conductor has to shout "Tickets!" three times before you wake up.
252 The Life Savers are stuck together and you can't get them apart.
253 Count on your dependable local post office to be out of what you need. Again.
254 You burst in on someone who didn't lock the bathroom door.
255 You've reached the age where you need a digital rectal exam every year.
256 The morning paper always lands on the passenger side of the driveway.
257 Sports announcers are forever denouncing hockey fights, but it's the first thing they show when the highlights come on.
258 Sitcoms add hilarious laugh tracks to things that aren't even funny.
259 You're so conditioned to using a calculator, you can't do simple arithmetic anymore.
260 If the studio audiences of trashy talk shows are so disgusted with the guests, what are they doing there in the first place?
261 You can't separate the shopping cart from the pack.
262 Graduation caps were designed to make your graduation pictures look stupid.
263 Some people always answer "What?" even when they've heard what you said.
264 News reports of government rip-offs always try to rile you by saying "and you're paying for it!"
265 You get into a pleasant conversation with someone in the supermarket and the person suddenly asks, "Do you love Jesus?"
266 The monument you traveled halfway around the world to see is in scaffolding.
267 You fail to notice the split level and stumble into a living room full of people.
268 They tell you inflation went up 5%, but if you factor out food, energy, and housing costs, it didn't go up at all.
269 The crucial paragraph of text at the start of the movie fades away before you're half-finished.
270 A store puts previously used or damaged merchandise back on the shelf.
271 You crack a joke the same time someone else does and don't know which one they're laughing at.
272 A TV station broadcasts 30 seconds of dead air where a commercial was supposed to be.
273 The locker room bench is just the right width so that everything you put on it falls off.
274 People who buy shoreline property expect the government to stem the inexorable advance of the ocean.
275 You mistakenly dial someone's fax line and get an ear-piercing beep for your trouble.
276 Your modem reaches someone's regular phone line, and you hear a tiny voice in your computer saying, "Hello, hello!"
277 You scratch the lens of your new sunglasses trying to get those stupid stickers off.
278 Your neighbor's dog routinely fertilizes your lawn.
279 The movies on your "premium" cable TV channel are getting lousier and lousier.
280 A store advertises: "We're extending this fabulous sale!" ... because they can't get rid of the junk.
281 Your felt-tip pen makes lousy carbon copies.
282 Three weeks always pass between the time you lose a sock in the laundry and the day you find it.
283 You nearly die when the parking lot attendant comes screeching down the curved ramp in your brand-new car.
284 You have roaches, because your slobbo neighbor has roaches.
285 Ignoring the coasters, your guests put their highball glasses on your antique furniture.
286 You can't get too chummy with anyone at a Halloween party, because you don't know what they really look like.
287 People in front of you on the checkout line keep going back for more groceries.
288 ... and because they're not back in time, you have to start unloading their cart.
289 You have to keep coming up with blockbuster ideas for your kids' birthday parties.
290 Products tell you to "apply liberally," so you'll need more sooner.
291 You never know who should go first at a four-way stop sign, because nobody comes to a full stop.
292 Millions of self-help books are sold each year, but you're not seeing any results.
293 You turn on the radio in the middle of an emergency test and think it's for real.
294 The table napkins got mixed up between dinner and dessert, and you can't tell which one is yours.
295 Your luggage comes around the baggage carousel opened, showcasing your underwear.
296 Your toilet ticks.
297 You send away for more information about an investment opportunity and a smarmy sales rep hounds you day and night.
298 Your dog licks his private parts in a room full of guests.
299 You're awakened by a phone call, then have to find a clear, cheery voice to say: "No, I've been up for hours."
300 The discount dining club you joined features mostly restaurants that are on the skids.
301 You have to exit a dark movie theater into bright sunshine.
302 You spend two weeks shelling out 15-- 20% gratuities in a foreign country where tipping isn't required.
303 Anyone who's ever transferred a business call for you has said, "I'm not quite sure how to do this" ... and then cut you off.
304 You shake a bottle of salad dressing whose cap is sitting loosely on its neck.
305 You fill a cart with groceries, arrive at the checkout, then realize you don't have any money with you.
306 A friend keeps boring you with lengthy descriptions of her epic dreams.
307 You bought your house at peak.
308 People stuff used tissues in your car ashtray.
309 Clumps of cocoa float undissolved at the top of your mug.
310 The house painter appropriates the use of your front lawn for his billboard advertising.
311 White-collar executives strew their coffee cups, newspapers, and other garbage all over the train.
312 You pay exorbitant prices to attend sporting events in which millionaire athletes give lackluster performances.
313 Your crab cakes smell like low tide.
314 Convicted politicians not only have the audacity to run again ... they get reelected.
315 Survey questionnaires of political action committees are ridiculously biased in their favor.
316 Coffee shops invariably forget your beverage when you ask for just water.
317 Computer hardware and software companies have you on an upgrade treadmill.
318 Just when you pass a parked car in a lot, its reverse lights go on and the car behind you gets the space.
319 You're bombarded by fragrance commercials that make you feel sexually inadequate.
320 You have to interrupt good dinner conversation to go to the salad bar.
321 Parents wouldn't dare let small children create a ruckus in a movie theater, but think nothing of letting them disrupt church services.
322 No matter where you go, hotel rooms have the same layout, furnishings, and stale smell.
323 Children's movies are two-hour commercials for new toys your kids will be hounding you to get.
324 People set their fax machines to answer after three rings (like you have to give it time to get to the phone).
325 Someone in your group at the restaurant gets loud and obnoxious.
326 You have to make small talk with the baby-sitter while driving her home at 1 A.M.
327 The coach of your local pro team keeps puzzling over its lousy performance, when obviously the problem is him.
328 You have to listen to dull presentation speeches by lifeless sponsor executives after TV golf tournaments.
329 Every sport you play requires a different, and expensive, pair of shoes.
330 You have to eat birthday cake that some kid, blowing out the candles, just sprayed his germs all over.
331 Someone comes in at the end of your long story and asks, "What was that?"
332 A guest takes your seat at the head of the table.
333 You park your car beneath a tree that drips sap all over it.
334 You have leftover food that's too little to save ... but enough to make you think it's a sin to throw away.
335 People who haven't found a reason to go to the library in 30 years ... think the Internet is going to change their lives.
336 Of different political persuasions, you and your spouse cancel out each other's vote.
337 You show up at a party dressed to the nines and everyone else is in jeans.
338 Your vitamins make you pee a curious yellow.
339 Celebrities who are being paid fortunes to endorse products have to read dummy cards during 30-second commercials.
340 Most poetry doesn't make any sense to you.
341 Your spectacular high-rise view of the city is obliterated by another new high-rise.
342 At the worst stage of your cold, you're asked to give a talk.
343 The plane you were supposed to leave on an hour ago hasn't even arrived at the airport yet.
344 There's an expensive article of clothing in your closet that you've never worn, and you rue the day you bought it.
345 Ads in hard-core industrial magazines use women in bikinis to present machine parts.
346 They always give the sports scores too fast.
347 You have to wish someone a generic "Happy holiday" because you don't know what their religion is.
348 You throw out your lower back and nearly hit the roof when you sneeze.
349 You have to decide which of the 25 different varieties of bakery cookies will comprise your pound.
350 The doctor you thought stopped by your hospital bed to say hello charges you $200 for the visit.
351 The night nurse wakes you up to give you a sleeping pill.
352 Your hospital gown is like the great Continental Divide in the back.
353 The fast song you're dancing to has a beat you can't figure out.
354 A flying cicada crashes into your head.
355 The newspaper refers to criminals, terrorists, and other social deviants as "Mr."
356 Your dinner host's dog keeps nudging you under the table for scraps.
357 You fart audibly and have to cover it up with a quick burst of conversation.
358 You realize that fast-food restaurants aren't as cheap as they're made out to be.
359 You prick your finger 14 times decking the halls with boughs of holly.
360 If you bought everything advertisers insist you need, you'd have to be Bill Gates.
361 You swallow a mouthful of murky pool water.
362 There's always one joker on the plane who insists on keeping his window shade open during the movie.
363 You're awakened at 5 A.M. every morning by the same two screeching crows.
364 All the kitty litter in the world won't disguise the fact that your cat poops.
365 The postcard for a "private sale" is addressed to you or "current resident."
366 The cover of the original Life's Little Frustration Book promises "365 ignominious aggravations," when there are only 364. (Now we're even.)
Copyright © 1997 by The Stonesong Press, Inc. and G. Gaynor McTigue.