A Penis by Any Other Name . . .
Q: Why do me name their penises?
A: So they can be on a first name basis with the one who makes most of their decisions.—CLASSIC PENIS JOKE
THE WORD "PENIS"
Pe•nis (p?'ns), n., pl. –nes (nez): the male organ of copulation and, in mammals, of urinary excretion. [1685–95;, L penis tail, penis]–pen*ile (pen'l, pe'nil), adj. (Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 1991)
The origin of the word penis is Latin for "tail," and was adopted by the English in the seventeenth century to refer to the male sex organ. Or so most linguists believe. Some, however, say penis came from Latin for "pencil," and that the two words were, in fact, interchangeable. And then again, it's been suggested by still others that penis came from the Latin penus, a word referring to a storage chamber sacred to the Roman household gods called the penates. Penitus means "something deep inside," and accordingly, the word came to be applied to the "penetrating" male member. (Obviously, the word, like the object it represents, has been the source of scattered fascination and speculation.)
Cock
Certainly the most widespread and well-known of the peniss many nicknames, this popular penile synonym has its own charming and fascinating history. The word "cock" is a centuries old echoic term, derived from the familiar sunrise "cock-a-doodle-doo," of a crowing rooster. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, "cock" hails from both the Old English and Old French "cocc," where it originated as the name for a male chicken. Given the rooster's "responsibility" for bringing up the sun each morning, it's not surprising to learn that among our early ancestors, the cock (a.k.a., the rooster) came to be popularly known as a symbol of the revered orb. The phallus, of course, was also known to the ancients as a sacred symbol of the sun (the sun being the ultimate "organ of generation"). Thus, it should similarly come as no surprise to learn that the cock came to be seen as a symbol of the phallus. Think of it this way:
If COCK = SUN, and PHALLUS = SUN,
then, COCK = PHALLUS
Accordingly, during the early Roman and medieval periods, the cock (male chicken) was a popular phallic symbol, and sculptures from that era frequently depict cocks somehow transformed into human penises. It was also common to find amulets and artwork in the shape of disembodied penises, adorned with cock's wings or bearing cock's legs. But for a glimpse at the ultimate manifestation of the cock/phallus phenomenon, one would have to venture inside the Vatican. In A Discourse on the Worship of Priapus, Richard Payne Knight reveals that hidden deep within the hallowed walls of the papal residence is a celebrated bronze image of an oversized penis placed upon the head of a cock, supported by the neck and shoulders of a man's body. On the pedestal of this curious figure is inscribed "The Savior of the World." Knight interprets the composition as representing the powers of generation, "whose centre is the sun, incarnate with man." Be sure to take your camera.
DID YOU KNOW?
The cock (rooster) was also a symbol of St. Peter (whose very name came to mean a phallus), which is why the cock's image was often placed atop church towers. And speaking of "Peter," the proper name Peter (Latin petra, meaning "rock") was said to be the new name given to the apostle Simon by Christ, who told him "Thou are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church" (Matthew 16:18). Etymologists speculate that the "rock hard" nature of an erection likely begat the christening of the penis with the name "Peter."
After Thought
The word "cock" also is said to refer to a "spout" or "tap," such as in a barrel, and some linguists believe this is the sense from which it derived as a nickname for penis.
Dick
In the Oxford English Dictionary, we learn that the ever popular term "dick" came to be used as a penis synonym compliments of seventeenth-century hangman, Godfrey Derrick, who was considered the most ruthless executioner at London's infamous Tyburn Prison. It seems some of the dreaded hangman's victims were sneak thieves who carried short daggers—which for some reason came to be called "dirks," and later "dicks," after Derrick. However, a more colorful explanation for the word's origin is found in Charles Panati's Sexy Origins and Intimate Things. While still attributing the word "dick" to hangman Derrick, Panati writes that "since a criminal quickly asphyxiated by hanging can spontaneously get an erection and even ejaculate, Derrick's name was applied to the erect penis that spectators keenly watched for." If the onlookers were lucky, the condemned man died with a "derrick," which in turn became "dick."
Lingam
The Sanskrit (India's ancient sacred language) term for a man's penis is "lingam," a word which implies "sign," and relates to the means by which a male infant is distinguished at birth by his sex organ. Lingam is also a Sanskrit term of reverence for the statues and images of the Hindu god Shiva's genital organ, and the thousands of lingams found throughout India and Nepal on almost every street corner are worshipped even today as sacred symbols of Shiva. People kiss and touch the sculpted stone statues, offering gifts of fruit and flowers.
Penis . . . A.K.A.:
Throughout the ages, the following words have also come to be variously applied to the male member, some for reasons that appear obvious, others for reasons we can only imagine. And while extensive, this list is by no means exhaustive!
Cock, Dick, Peter, Prick, Rod,
Wee Wee, Thing/Thingy, Shaft, Ding-a-Ling,
Wiener/Weenie, Stick, Ding Dong, Hot Dog, Pecker,
Lingam, Phallus,
Pee Pee, Organ, Joint, Schmuck,
Meat, Tool, Dork,
Peanut, Shorty,
Bird, Tree, Worm, Snake,
Wang Dang, Tasset, Knob, Root,
Member, Big Red, One-Eyed Monster,
Sweet Tooth, John, Dipstick,
Goober, Heater Crank, Ram,
Bagpipe, Barge Pole,
Dildo, Punch, Love Pickle, Pisser,
Sausage, Stud, Arrow, Lance,
Expando, Bat, Cactus,
Firehose, Horn, Jack-in-the-Box, Short Arm,
Special Purpose,
Helmet Head, Kickstand,
Pork Sword, Throbbing Python of Love,
Branch of Beauty, Uncle Woody, Schlong,
Bell Beefer, Stun Gun, Injector, High-Hard One,
Ginsu, Bulge, Banger,
George, Magic Wand, Cigar,
Donkey Dick, Dickey (a Junior-Sized Dick),
The Main Vein, Wookie,
Squirmin' Herman, Mr. Happy,
Spare Leg, Third Leg, Tally Wacker,
Unit, Love Muscle, Hot Rod, Joy Stick,
Stinger, Big Bopper, Banana, Squirt Gun,
Monster, Tube Steak, Meat Whistle,
Skin Flute,
Pile Driver, Schwantuken,
Head of the Family, Oscar, Puppy Dog Tail,
Ralph/Ralphie, Pierre, Winny,
Hole Puncher, Pickle, Wally,
Coctus Erectus, Big Mac, Deely Bopper,
Trouser Trout, Crotch Snorkel, Fishing Rod,
"This is my rifle, This is my gun This is for business, This is for fun."
-MARINE CORPS DRILL
GROUND LITANY (SHOUTED OUT AND
ACCOMPANIED BY APPROPRIATE GESTURE)
Gun, Pistol, Dead Soldier,
Bazooka, Rifle,
Tent Pole, Lifeline,
Manhole Stuffer, Plug, Putter,
Herman, Leroy, Fred, Pete,
Frank(furter), Lollipop, Ying Yang, Fire Cracker,
Plunger, Baseball Bat, Wonder Boy, Sword,
The "Big Ten," Whopper,
Wimp, Limpy, Noodle,
Faucet/Drippy Faucet, Wet Spaghetti,
Hammerhead, Sliver Stick, What-U-Call-It, Rug Bug,
Big Hunk, Cum Gun, Leakin' Lizard, Joe Blow,
Roto Rooter, Heat Seeking Moisture Missile,
Baby Maker,
Charlie, Little John,
John Thomas, Mr. Wizard, Big Thumb, Toy,
Yellow/Brown Submarine, Love Boat,
Melvin, Monkey,
Salami, Peckeroni, Quarter-Pounder,
Bag-Pipes, Iguana, Harry,
Penisaurus, North-Pole, Schlog, Cattle Prod,
Willie, Wilfred (said to be longer than Willie),
Instrument, It, Cucumber,
Cherry Popper, Tree Trunk, Train, Pencil,
Mole, Sex Pistol, Hose,
My Best Friend, Walking Stick,
Wicked Willie, Mr. Microphone,
Jack the Slipper, Hank, Long Dong,
One-Eyed Snake with a Turtleneck Sweater,
Floyd, Ball Park Frank, Purple-Headed Monster,
Mini-Me, Pepito, Binky,
Privates,
Satisfier, Flag Pole,
Russell the One-Eyed Muscle,
Herman the One-Eyed German,
Throbbing Crusader, Love Dart,
Doodad, Do-Hickey, Do-Jigger,
Drooping Member, Little Red Waggin',
Candy Cane, Poodle, Probe,
Texas Longhorn, Meatloaf, T-Bone,
Mushroom/Head, Pepe, Skinflick,
Staff of Life, Tree of Life,
Lizzard, Hammer, Harvey, Handle,
Super Dog, Big Fry, Sam, Cobra,
Bufford, Lucky Chuckie, Pirannha,
Rambo, Pokey
Yard: word of choice for the penis between the 1400s and 1800; primarily British. Curiously, yard does not refer to a measure of length, but rather to the arrow, the weapon of choice among men in earlier times.
Bald-Headed Hermit,
Abraham, Almond,
Bean-Tosser, Belly-Ruffian, Blade,
Blow-Torch, Blueskin,
Broom-Handle, Brookstick,
Burrito/Burrito Supreme,
Carnal Stump, Cherry Picker,
The Club, Corps Commando, Cream Stick,
Crack Hunter, Crimson Chitterling,
Flapdoodle, Flip-Flap,
Crotch Cobra, Dangling Participle,
Pink Flute With the Purple Mouthpiece,
Family Organ, Fiddle Bow, Fiddlestick,
Foaming Beef Probe,
Hangin' Johnny, Licorice Stick,
Girl-O-Meter, Godzilla, Goose's Neck,
Dart of Love, Dribbling Dart,
Dingle Dangle, Divining Rod,
Master of Ceremonies, Maypole, Mutton Dagger,
Piccolo, Pilgrim's Staff, Pink Oboe,
Baloney Pony, Battering Piece,
Quim Wedge, Rooster,
Scepter, Stargazer, Swizzle Stick,
Bug-Fucker, Bush Beater,
Butter Knife, Tent Peg, Thingamabob,
Throbbing Thrill Hammer, Rumpleforeskin,
Saint Peter,
Kosher Pickle, Wazoo,
Cecil the One-Eyed Sex Serpent,
Mufasa (King of the Jungle),
Bone Phone, Ginger Bread, Trouser Worm,
Cannon, Solicitor General, Peacemaker,
Thor, Julius Caesar,
Washington's Monument, Little Big-Horn,
Precious One, Faithful Servant,
My Boy, Pride and Joy, Roger and Out,
Bubblehead, Dart of Venus, Spear of Love,
Cupid's Torch, Pants Rabbit, Snake in the Grass,
Funny Doodle,
Ninny, Pud, Diddy Jigger,
Captain Standish, Dam Master,
Hoe Handle, Extension Cord, Rump Splitter,
Thumb of Love, Rocket Thrust, Tent Peg, Hokey-Pokey,
Humpmobile, Big Ben,
Tiny Tim, Little Richard, Little Elvis,
Jade Stalk, Positive Peak, Unicorn,
Sir Knobby, King Dick,
Stanley (as in power tool), Bayonet,
Hammer, Womb Cannon,
Torpedo, Drill, Weapon,
Biggus Diccus
"Frankly, the names of weapons and tools it often goes by are little justified for something that can comfortably be fitted into a sardine can."
–ISABEL ALLENDE,
APHRODITE, A MEMOIR OF THE SENSES
