OVERRIDE

Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette Dilemmas

Celia Rivenbark

St. Martin's Griffin

In this always sensible and mildly profane etiquette manual for the modern age Celia Rivenbark addresses real-life quandaries ranging from how to deal with braggy playground moms to wondering if you can have sex in your aunt's bed on vacation to correctly grieving the dearly departed (hint: it doesn't include tattoos or truck decals).  Rude Bitches Make Me Tired will provide answers to all your mannerly questions as Celia discusses the social conundrums of our day and age, including:

  • Navigating the agonies of check splitting (“Who had the gorgonzola crumbles and should we really care?”)
  • The baffling aspects of airline travel (such as “Recline Monster” and other animals)
  • The art of the visit (always leave them wanting more . . . much more)
  • Gym and locker etiquette (hint: no one wants to talk to you while you’re buck naked)
  • Office manners (“Loud talkers, cake hawkers, and Britney Sue’s unfortunate cyst”)
  • And much more!

Good manners have never been so wickedly funny!

In this always sensible and mildly profane etiquette manual for the modern age Celia Rivenbark addresses real-life quandaries ranging from how to deal with braggy playground moms to wondering if you can have sex in your aunt's bed on vacation to correctly grieving the dearly departed (hint: it doesn't include tattoos or truck decals).  Rude Bitches Make Me Tired will provide answers to all your mannerly questions as Celia discusses the social conundrums of our day and age, including: Navigating the agonies of check splitting (“Who had the gorgonzola crumbles and should we really care?”)The baffling aspects of airline travel (such as “Recline Monster” and other animals)The art of the visit (always leave them wanting more . . . much more)Gym and locker etiquette (hint: no one wants to talk to you while you’re buck naked)Office manners (“Loud talkers, cake hawkers, and Britney Sue’s unfortunate cyst”)And much more!

Good manners have never been so wickedly funny!

BOOK EXCERPTS

Read an Excerpt

chapter 1

 

Check-Splitting: Who Had the Gorgonzola Crumbles, and Should We Really Care?
My friend Gray and I have often chuckled at the memory of how our mothers and grandmothers would agonize over splitting the check following the conclusion of a ladies’ lunch on the town. Finally, at some point, one of the ladies would say to one member of the group, “Since you drove, we’ll pay the tip.”
Gray and I have been friends for three decades, ever since we met on the job at a daily newspaper where she was a photographer and I wrote feature stories about
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REVIEWS

Praise for Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Praise for You Don’t Sweat Much for a Fat Girl

 

"[Rivenbark]'s as rebellious, irreverent, and comical as ever." —Publishers Weekly 

 

"...a rip-roaring read.... What makes Rivenbark’s writing so entertaining is that it’s a lot like seeing a stand-up comedy act: she does an uncanny job of keeping the flow of comedy fresh." —Book Reporter 

 

“Opening a book by Celia is like going to a great party—at the end of the night, your sides hurt, your mascara’s ruined, and you realize you haven’t eaten anything for almost an hour.  She’s that good.  My biggest hope is that when I find myself riding the bus to hell, I’ll look over and Celia will be sitting right next to me.” —Laurie Notaro, author of The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club

 

Praise for You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start In The Morning

 

“Whether readers are from the south side of Baw-ston or living just south of the Mississippi, Rivenbark’s genuine Southern recipes and true Southern charm are sure to appeal to everyone.” —Encore Archives

 

“…many of her descriptions are not only LOL funny, they also demand reading aloud to whomever happens to be nearby.” —Myrtle Beach Sun-News

“Rivenbark is more than funny.  She’s Carolina funny.” —The Charlotte Observer

 

Praise for Belle Weather

 

"Readers will laugh out loud over her commentary on status mothers and all the odd obsessions of modern life..." —Booklist

 

"Think Dave Barry with a female point of view..." —USA Today

 

Praise for Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

 

“This is a hilarious read, perhaps best enjoyed while eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts with a few girlfriends.” —Publishers Weekly

 

“She kills in the “Kids” and “Southern-Style Silliness” sections, putting the fear of Mickey into anyone planning a trip to Disney World (character breakfasts must be scheduled 90 days in advance) and extolling the entertainment value of obituaries (“If there’s a nickname in quotes, say Red Eye, Tip Top, or simply, Zeke, then my entire day is made”)” —Entertainment Weekly

 

Praise for We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier

 

"Will give you a case of the giggles." —NY Daily News

"Warm, witty, and wise, rather like reading dispatches from a friend who uses e-mail and still writes letters, in ink, on good paper." St. Petersburg Times

Praise for Bless Your Heart, Tramp

"Bright, witty and warm…stories that make a desperate gift-giver weep glad tears of relief…a pleasing blend of spice, humor and memories." —St. Petersburg Times

 

"Celia Rivenbark has the goods and then some. She makes you laugh out loud dozens of times. Anyone who has the moxie to toss off a piece titled 'Fake Dog Testicles' will tread into the wildest stretches of comedic terrain...” —The State ( Columbia , S.C. )

 

 

Praise for You Don’t Sweat Much for a Fat Girl

 

"[Rivenbark]'s as rebellious, irreverent, and comical as ever." —Publishers Weekly 

 

"...a rip-roaring read.... What makes Rivenbark’s writing so entertaining is that it’s a lot like seeing a stand-up comedy act: she does an uncanny job of keeping the flow of comedy fresh." —Book Reporter 

 

“Opening a book by Celia is like going to a great party—at the end of the night, your sides hurt, your mascara’s ruined, and you realize you haven’t eaten anything for almost an hour.  She’s that good.  My biggest hope is that when I find myself riding the bus to hell, I’ll look over and Celia will be sitting right next to me.” —Laurie Notaro, author of The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club

 

Praise for You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start In The Morning

 

“Whether readers are from the south side of Baw-ston or living just south of the Mississippi, Rivenbark’s genuine Southern recipes and true Southern charm are sure to appeal to everyone.” —Encore Archives

 

“…many of her descriptions are not only LOL funny, they also demand reading aloud to whomever happens to be nearby.” —Myrtle Beach Sun-News

“Rivenbark is more than funny.  She’s Carolina funny.” —The Charlotte Observer

 

Praise for Belle Weather

 

"Readers will laugh out loud over her commentary on status mothers and all the odd obsessions of modern life..." —Booklist

 

"Think Dave Barry with a female point of view..." —USA Today

 

Praise for Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

 

“This is a hilarious read, perhaps best enjoyed while eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts with a few girlfriends.” —Publishers Weekly

 

“She kills in the “Kids” and “Southern-Style Silliness” sections, putting the fear of Mickey into anyone planning a trip to Disney World (character breakfasts must be scheduled 90 days in advance) and extolling the entertainment value of obituaries (“If there’s a nickname in quotes, say Red Eye, Tip Top, or simply, Zeke, then my entire day is made”)” —Entertainment Weekly

 

Praise for We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier

 

"Will give you a case of the giggles." —NY Daily News

"Warm, witty, and wise, rather like reading dispatches from a friend who uses e-mail and still writes letters, in ink, on good paper." St. Petersburg Times

Praise for Bless Your Heart, Tramp

"Bright, witty and warm…stories that make a desperate gift-giver weep glad tears of relief…a pleasing blend of spice, humor and memories." —St. Petersburg Times

 

"Celia Rivenbark has the goods and then some. She makes you laugh out loud dozens of times. Anyone who has the moxie to toss off a piece titled 'Fake Dog Testicles' will tread into the wildest stretches of comedic terrain...” —The State ( Columbia , S.C. )

 

 

Reviews from Goodreads

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  • Celia Rivenbark

  • CELIA RIVENBARK is the author of You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl; Belle Weather; Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like A Skank; We're Just Like You, Only Prettier; Bless Your Heart, Tramp; and You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning. She lives in Wilmington, North Carolina.
  • Celia Rivenbark Erin Whittle
    Celia Rivenbark
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Available Formats and Book Details

Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette Dilemmas

Celia Rivenbark

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FROM THE PUBLISHER

St. Martin's Griffin

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