The Petraeus Files

All the Photos, Chats, Poems, and Other Super-Secret Emails They Don’t Want You to See

Ted Travelstead

St. Martin's Griffin

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WARNING: The satire you are about to read will change the way you look at our nation’s leaders. FOREVER.

 

In November 2012, General David Petraeus stepped down from his post as director of the CIA when it was exposed that he'd had an affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell.  The political scandal that unfolded would eventually include four-star generals, socialites, FBI agents, the Army, a stuffed Sasquatch, and the entire cast of TLC's Sister Wives.

           

Hundreds, thousands—maybe millions—of e-mails were exchanged between these parties. Their computers have been seized by the government, and those e-mails would likely never see the light of day. . . .

 

However, access to these confidential documents has been obtained by a most unlikely source: comedian Ted Travelstead. Through a perfect storm of dumb luck, desperation, and a favor from a friend with a working computer, Travelstead managed to secure these e-mails.  He has pored over reams of pages to give you an inside look at The Petraeus Files.

 

Prepare to be amazed by:

 

*The coded phrases Gen. Petraeus and his mistress Paula Broadwell used to keep their rendezvous private, and the numerous nicknames they had for each other (“Peaches: I want your plums in my juicer.”)

*Florida socialite Jill Kelley’s official titles: Vice Consul of Sweet Times, Ambassador of Lady Town, Lil’ Mayor Push-N-Pull, and Undersecretary of All Things Considered, to name a few.

*Gen. John Allen’s previously unknown penchant for Nip/Tuck fan fiction

 

With exclusive e-mails, chats, photographs, and illustrations, this is a book that will change the way you look at the military, our nation’s leaders, and the phrase “rear admiral.”

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Book Excerpts

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<1>
Introductions All Around
 

SPRING 2006 From: Paula Broadwell
Date: Thu, 4 May 2006 10:04:12 -0500
To: David Petraeus
Subject: Your Talk At Harvard
Dear General Petraeus, Hearing you speak at Harvard was a real eye-opening experience. I’d like to thank you for giving your time, and sharing your wisdom. I wanted to ask if there was any way I could talk to you further about my research work. Your help would be invaluable.
Best Regards,
Paula Broadwell -----------------------------
Hello Ms.

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About the Author

Ted Travelstead

TED TRAVELSTEAD is a writer and performer. He is a co-author of SEX: Our Bodies, Our Junk, a contributor to Care To Make Love In That Gross Little Space Between Cars?: A Believer Book of Advice, and has written for Esquire, Vanity Fair, Radar, and McSweeney’s, among other publications. As an actor he has appeared onstage performing sketch and stand-up at various venues in New York City, and in a broad range of films, comedic shorts, and music videos. He is a frequent tweeter; follow him at @trumpetcake.

Ted Travelstead

Ted Travelstead

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Available Formats and Book Details

The Petraeus Files
All the Photos, Chats, Poems, and Other Super-Secret Emails They Don’t Want You to See
Ted Travelstead

Trade Paperback

Trade Paperback
St. Martin's Press
St. Martin's Griffin
February 2013
Trade Paperback
ISBN: 9781250040992
ISBN10: 125004099X
5 1/2 x 8 1/4 inches, 176 pages, Includes 10 black-and-white photographs and illustrations throughout
$18.99

e-Book Agency

e-Book Agency
St. Martin's Press
St. Martin's Griffin
February 2013
e-Book Agency
ISBN: 9781466837034
ISBN10: 1466837039
176 pages, 10 photos and illustrations
$7.99
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St. Martin's Griffin

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