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You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

Celia Rivenbark

St. Martin's Griffin

From the author of the bestselling classics We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you’ll shoot co’cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as:

• Why Miss North Carolina is too nice to hate

• How Gwyneth Paltrow wants to improve your pathetic life

• Strapped for cash? Try cat whispering

• Sex every night for a year? How do you wrap that?

• Get yer Wassail on: It’s carolin’ time

• Airlines serving up one hot mess

• Action figure Jesus

• Why Clay Aiken ain’t marrying your glandular daughter

• And much more!

Complete with a treasure trove of Celia’s genuine southern recipes, You Can’t Drink All Day if You Don’t Start in the Morning is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.

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YOU CAN’T DRINK ALL DAY IF YOU DON’T START IN THE MORNING.

1 TB or Not TB: Perfect Attendance Nuts Don’t Care

It doesn’t win me any points with the other mommies, but I tend to loudly yell “Booooooo!” and make lots of exaggerated thumbs-down gestures whenever a kid skips up to the stage to receive a perfect attendance certificate at the end of the school year.

Sure, it’s a little unorthodox—some might even say rude—but I don’t think it’s any ruder than risking everybody else’s health just so you can get

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  • You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning by Celia Rivenbark--Audio Excerpt

    Listen to this audiobook excerpt from Celia Rivenbark's hilarious book You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning. From the author of the bestselling classics We're Just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you'll shoot co'cola out of your nose. You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Morning is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.

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Praise for You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

"Rivenbark’s latest outing is a fantastic book that will keep you laughing at the minutiae of the world outside while giving you time to reflect on your own life."
--Book Reporter
 
"...one of those books that makes you laugh out loud and possibly even snort soda through your nose!"
--Booking Mama

Reviews from Goodreads

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  • Celia Rivenbark

  • Celia Rivenbark is the author of the award-winning bestsellers Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank; Bless Your Heart, Tramp; and Belle Weather. We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier won a Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance (SIBA) Book Award for nonfiction and was a finalist for the James Thurber Prize for American Humor. Born and raised in Duplin County, North Carolina, Rivenbark grew up in a small house “with a red barn out back that was populated by a couple of dozen lanky and unvaccinated cats.” She started out writing for her hometown paper. She writes a weekly, nationally syndicated humor column for the Myrtle Beach Sun News. She lives in Wilmington, North Carolina.
  • Celia Rivenbark Erin Whittle
    Celia Rivenbark
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You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

Celia Rivenbark

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FROM THE PUBLISHER

St. Martin's Griffin

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