Chapter
1
Lightning Lou
The moment I walked into my classroom, Stringbean Noonan grabbed my shirt with both fists and exclaimed, “Did you hear, Jigsaw? DID YOU HEAR?!”
“How could I not hear?” I snapped back. “You’re screaming in my face.”
“Whoops, sorry. I’m just excited because Lightning Lou is coming today!” Stringbean exclaimed. “He’s going to talk to the whole school!”
“Lightning … who?” I wondered.
“Lou,” Stringbean answered.
“Ah, Lou.”
“Bless you,” Stringbean replied.
“Huh?”
“You just sneezed,” he claimed. “You said, ‘Ah-choo.’”
“Did not,” I said.
“Did too,” Stringbean countered.
“Stringbean. Trust me,” I said. “I didn’t sneeze.”
Stringbean pulled on his earlobe. “Then why did you say, ‘Ah-choo’?”
“I said, ‘Ah, Lou,’” I replied. “Get it? Ah, Lou. It’s like, a-ha, but it’s Lou instead of ha.”
Stringbean shook his head sadly. “You’re a strange dude, Jigsaw.”
“I’m strange?!” I protested.
Stringbean smiled kindly. “It’s okay, Jigsaw. I still like you.”
I asked. “Who’s Lightning Lou, anyway?”
Stringbean stared at me in shock. “He’s the animal guy on television. The Lightning Lou Animal Review!”
“Oh, the Australian guy!” I said, remembering the weekly television show. “Didn’t he once get trampled by a wombat or something?”
“A wildebeest,” Stringbean corrected. “Yeah, but he’s here today—at school! How cool is that?”
“So cool we’ll need hats and mittens,” I answered.
Just then, Mila Yeh and Geetha Nair walked into the room. “Did you hear?” Stringbean howled. “DID YOU HEAR?! Lightning Lou is coming to our school!”
“Lightning … who?” Geetha asked.
I didn’t stick around for the rest. I’d seen that movie before. I went to my seat instead. Our classroom, room 201, was set up with big tables. Actually, each table was just four desks shoved together. The other kids at my table were Athena Lorenzo, Joey Pignattano, and Helen Zuckerman.
We were lucky. Our teacher, Ms. Gleason, was probably the nicest person in the world— if you didn’t count the Tooth Fairy.
And I didn’t.
We liked her and she liked us right back. She even liked Bobby Solofsky, which proves that Ms. Gleason was an especially kind and patient person. Because liking Bobby Solofsky wasn’t easy. I figured it was easier to like kale. But my Grams says I’ve got to try to see the good in everybody. So I try. Only with Solofsky, I have to try extra, extra hard.
Chapter
2
Keen as Mustard
Maybe I should explain something. I run a detective agency with my partner, Mila Yeh. She’s been my friend since forever. We’ve solved all sorts of mysteries together, from buried treasure to stolen bicycles. We get a dollar a day for our troubles. Don’t tell anyone, but we’d do it for nothing.
Probably.
I was doodling, dreaming of baseball, when a voice called to me from far away.
“Earth to Jigsaw. Earth to Jigsaw. Come in, Jigsaw.”
I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“Huh?”
I looked around the room. Everyone was staring at me. Ms. Gleason stood next to me, smiling.
“He’s daydreaming again!” Ralphie Jordan announced.
I bolted upright in my chair.
“I realize today is Friday,” Ms. Gleason said sweetly. “It has been a long week for everyone. Please try to pay attention, Jigsaw.”
I nodded, embarrassed.
“As I was saying,” Ms. Gleason told the class, “Lightning Lou is from Australia. Can anyone tell me what language they speak in Australia?”
“That’s easy,” Joey Pignattano said. “Australian!”
“Not exactly, Joey,” Ms. Gleason replied. “They speak English. But if you have seen Lightning Lou on television, you know he uses a lot of Australian slang.”
“What’s slang?” Helen asked.
“Hmmm, how can I explain this?” wondered Ms. Gleason aloud. “There’s standard English. Those are the words we find in most dictionaries. Slang is a group of made-up words and phrases.”
Ms. Gleason sighed when she saw our blank faces.
“For example, someone from Australia might say ‘G’day’ instead of ‘Hello.’”
Stringbean Noonan’s hand shot to the ceiling. He gushed, “In Australian slang, they call parents ‘oldies.’ And they call little kids ‘ankle-biters’!”
Everybody thought that was funny.
“A friend is called ‘mate,’” Danika Starling told us.
Eddie Becker said, “I love it when Lightning Lou gets mad. He always says, ‘Crikey! Wouldn’t it rot your socks!’”
Ms. Gleason said, “Instead of our weekly spelling words, I’ve put together a list of Australian slang words. I’ll hand it out later. I think you will like learning Australian slang as much as I did.”
Ms. Gleason looked at the wall clock. “Okay, boys and girls. It’s time to get to the gym to meet Lightning Lou.” She winked at us and added, “Personally, I’m keen as mustard to hear him speak!”
Copyright © 2002 by James Preller
