Introduction
THE NEWS WE see and read—the tone of the public discourse—can be dispiriting. But in my day-to-day work at Habitat for Humanity I get to witness firsthand stories that defy the doom and gloom.
These stories nurture my spirit. They make me smile. They fill me with hope. They help me see how good the world can be and how much power we the people have to create the world we want and need.
In this book I share stories that show how it’s possible to build friendship instead of creating division. How it’s possible to communicate when you don’t speak the same language. How it’s possible to change a person’s life without giving up your own, and how it’s possible to change your own life. How it’s possible to choose love over hate, to see the best in people instead of the worst, and to build houses, communities, and relationships from a place of common shared values.
When I was deciding what stories would best illustrate these possibilities for hope and love, I had to stop and think: What “shared values” really capture the ways we can find common ground?
They had to be simple. They had to be something each of us could actually “do.” I finally identified seven simple virtues we can put into action. These virtues make the stories in this book possible, and they can create happier stories in our own lives. They are simple virtues—kindness, community, empowerment, joy, respect, generosity, and service—but they are powerful.
To start with the simplest, practicing kindness may be the easiest way to change your entire outlook on life—or somebody else’s. Even the smallest act shows that you are acknowledging another person. That you care about them. Dorothy Howard, whom you’ll meet here, was stunned by the kindness of volunteers and Habitat staff. Before they helped her move into her new home, she says, she never knew there was such a thing as love from strangers. What’s it like to grow up never knowing that anyone other than your family cares about you? What’s it like for the rest of us to know what we could be doing to change that for the people who feel overlooked and unloved in the world? One act of kindness can change a person’s life—even if only for a moment.
Community means a connection to the rest of the world. If we can nurture our connections and be a part of our community, if we can be neighbors to one another, we can make our surroundings better for all of us. When Angel Meza, page 52, felt like she and her kids were adrift and on their own, instead of turning inward they started volunteering—and ended up being embraced by the community they were serving.
I’m in a lucky position when it comes to witnessing the virtue of empowerment. The stories we hear of kids like Antonia Cuffee, page 85, who with only a little bit of help entirely change the trajectory of their whole family, make me ask myself: How many kids with so much potential are slipping through the cracks? And how can we catch them?
There’s joy in almost every Habitat story in some form or another. And sometimes, as in the case of Donna Ricca, joy finds us in the most unlikely places, as long as we are open to embracing it. You’ll meet Donna here.
When I think of current events, I think about how the virtue of respect plays a role in healing what is hurting us. Respect establishes common ground in places as far away as India and Vietnam and as close as our own neighborhoods. The way a group of neighbors in Durham, North Carolina, built each other up after a devastating loss is just one example of how exposure to those who are different from ourselves helps us celebrate common ground. Their story is here.
Generosity, to me, is more than giving something away. It’s a state of spirit that we bring with us to every encounter. Whether it’s a work relationship or a marriage or anywhere two or more people gather, if you start with an attitude of “What am I getting out of this?” it’s very tough to have a successful relationship. If your attitude is “What can I do for my partner?” it’s much more likely to be successful. When we approach the world with an outward sense of giving rather than an inward sense of keeping our gifts to ourselves, we can face the toughest challenges from a place of peace—even if that means facing death, as it did for Bob Karlstrand. His story is here.
Finally, service is the place where all these virtues can come to life. If you don’t really feel the other virtues, if you’re not able to conjure up the feelings of kindness, community, empowerment, joy, respect, or generosity on command, try doing just one thing for someone else. Even if your heart is not in it and it’s a pragmatic exercise, perform an act of service and see if these other virtues show up. When Taylor Thompson’s world was turned upside down, he felt anything but virtuous. As you’ll see here, he felt lost, angry, and confused. He felt helpless to change anything, but he had to do something, anything. And by doing something, he found more than he was looking for.
The people in these stories were searching for something, and through these virtues they found a sense of home within themselves. They were able to ground themselves in a place from which they could do good things big and small for their families and contribute to their communities and the world. I can relate because until I found my home in Habitat, I was also searching.
After college, I had planned to go to law school so I could enter politics. I quickly realized I didn’t want to be a lawyer, and even though I had never considered going into business, I unexpectedly talked my way into a job in finance. It was a great opportunity, but I was working an insane amount of hours and not leading the kind of life I’d imagined.
I applied for a scholarship to work abroad and was lucky enough to get it. The Henry Luce Foundation sponsors fifteen young American leaders annually to work in Asia to promote cross-cultural resources and understanding. I ended up in South Korea.
It was a time of significant growth and sometimes loneliness. It gave me the space and distance to reflect on my life. My friendship with another American there, a professor teaching at a Korean university, was a gift for me. We had a standing appointment every Monday night to get together and talk about theology and faith.
I came back to the States with the mindset that I needed to do something that mattered, and for that, I needed more skills. I went back to school, to one of the only business schools that believed we needed more professional management of nonprofits—not a mainstream view at the time. I began my career in business so I could gain the skills I’d need in my mission that mattered. I learned a huge amount helping start or grow new businesses for different companies.
After my last company was acquired I went on a short-term service trip to rural India. I came back knowing I wanted to do something related to alleviating poverty and making a difference for low-income families around the world.
The only problem was that no one wanted me to run their mission. So I took that time to be a stay-at-home dad. By this point, my wife, Ashley, and I had three small children. I loved the time I got to spend with them, but I soon learned just how challenging being a stay-at-home parent is. I also spent a lot of time volunteering at our very large local church. Unexpectedly, they asked if I’d be willing to be their executive pastor so the lead pastor could focus on being the spiritual leader without having to manage all the ministries. Most of the people I trusted for advice thought this was a bad career decision, but it seemed clear that the church was where I was called to serve at that time.
Two years later an executive recruiter called out of the blue. Did I know anyone who might be interested in leading Habitat for Humanity? I felt the adrenaline running down my back as she talked. “Does it have to be somebody famous?” I asked. To my surprise, she said no. I went home and wrote the recruiter a passionate two-page letter that basically said this was the kind of job God had been preparing me for my entire life. Then I prayed.
This is my fourteenth year at Habitat, and there is nothing that I’d rather be doing. I finally found my mission that mattered.
Habitat itself started from a mission. Clarence Jordan, a farmer and biblical scholar, founded Koinonia, an interracial Christian farming community, in 1942 near Americus, Georgia. It goes without saying, Jordan was a man radically ahead of his time. When Millard and Linda Fuller came to Koinonia in the sixties, they worked with Jordan to develop the idea of partnership housing. They realized that one of the best ways to help low-income people was to offer them a partnership, a hand up rather than a handout. Instead of building houses and giving them away, the organization would help low-income people finance a home with an affordable mortgage, and together they would build the home. This was the key idea behind the organization that would become Habitat for Humanity.
What quickly became clear as Habitat grew beyond Americus, as well as through an outpost in Zaire, Africa, was that these partnerships between the poor and those with greater means gave the poor more than affordable housing and gave the contributors more than something to do with their money. It generated countless acts of the seven virtues in this book between people who might never have come into contact with one another. Since its official founding in 1976, Habitat has helped more than 22 million people build or improve their homes.
President and Mrs. Carter have been deeply involved in Habitat for more than thirty-five years. President Carter has repeated over the years that for him, Habitat is the best way he knows to put his faith into action. And “action” is the appropriate word when it comes to our ninety-five-year-old thirty-ninth president of the United States.
There was a legendary Carter Work Project in Manila, Philippines. It was brutally hot and late in the day, and everyone was exhausted and getting on the buses to go back to their hotels. President Carter walked onto every single bus and asked everyone to please get off the bus and keep working so the project could stay on track for the week. He made his request politely but … firmly. For him, building isn’t an abstract symbol of goodwill. It is a concrete action of service. If a Carter Work Project doesn’t deliver on building the houses, then it’s just a publicity stunt. President Carter is nothing if not humble. A publicity stunt is not something he’s interested in, in any shape or form.
He gives a devotion the first morning of each work project, and it’s always fantastic. There’s no one who wouldn’t be motivated to get to work after hearing his morning message. He’s like a coach who believes you will win, so you better get out there and win because you wouldn’t want to prove him wrong or disappoint him.
He realizes people are excited to be on the builds and to see him and Mrs. Carter, so he sets aside specific times for taking photos with each house team at the end of the week. Otherwise, he says, “If you’re taking pictures you’re not working.” One of my craziest days with him was when we were doing a work project in a wide-ranging area we’d somewhat loosely defined as the Mekong River region. In a matter of twenty-four hours, we were in Thailand, Vietnam, and China. I was exhausted, but it’s hard to complain when the eighty-five-year-old next to you is raring to go.
One of the sweetest moments from the Carter Work Projects I’ve witnessed, and I get to see it every single year, is at the end of the day when the work is wrapped up and President and Mrs. Carter walk away from the build site together, holding hands. They continue to be role models not only to Habitat as an organization but also to me and every other individual who gets to witness their love for each other, their faith in action, and their united desire to help people.
The values they represent and that I have selected for this book are universal. For President Carter and me, they are an extension of our Christian faith, but Habitat has always been what we call “radically inclusive,” meaning we welcome volunteers, supporters, and the families we build with from all backgrounds, and from all faiths and none.
Almost every faith on this planet holds these seven virtues in high esteem in some form. For everyone, even those with no faith, these values celebrate our shared humanity. At their most pragmatic level, they help us create connections with one another that help us get along and coexist in a more pleasant and effective way.
The significance of what President Carter said in his foreword, “When the waters rise, so do our better angels,” speaks to this idea of neighborly coexisting. In the face of a crisis, all the differences between us disappear and we come together to help one another. Or we’re on the receiving end of that help.
When the water’s coming up and your neighbor arrives by boat to rescue you, you don’t ask whether they are Christian or not, gay or straight, or who they voted for in the presidential election. You don’t care what they look like or how much money they make. You jump in the boat and say thank you. You realize there are people who care about you for no other reason than that you are their fellow human being. You remember next time the water rises what your neighbor did for you, and you decide you’ll do the same for someone else in need.
Sometimes it takes a crisis to get us to pay attention to our shared humanity. Crises can be great reminders of what we can accomplish when we work together.
The phrase “our better angels” comes from President Lincoln’s first inaugural address. Our nation was on the verge of war. Several states had seceded. “We are not enemies,” he said, “but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.” Then he expressed the hope that we could all remember our shared unity if we would hearken to “the better angels of our nature.”
It’s my hope that if we can anchor ourselves in the shared values of these seven virtues, then moving forward, we can be led by our better angels instead of by our personal self-interest, disagreements, and disappointments. Elite athletes practice their skills, then practice them some more, until they are deeply embedded in their muscle memory. In that same way, I think if we practice these virtues, we can let go of our self-interested desires and instead become adept at finding common ground.
You can read this book straight through or start with whichever chapter speaks to you most. You can read it in any order and pick it up at any time. My purpose is not to preach or tell anyone how to be or act; it is simply to share what I’ve been privileged to learn through the example of the people in these stories. If you’re like me, certain stories will really hit you, and you’ll want to read them over and over again to remind you what’s possible when we let our better angels be our guide.
Copyright © 2019 by Habitat for Humanity International