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WILD KINGDOM
Creature Features to Teach You, We Beseech You!
I stay alive without breathing air.
I’m rarely thirsty but always have plenty of water.
What am I?
A fish.
Thousands fill this house with gold,
but no man made this house.
It’s guarded by its spear-wielding residents.
What is it?
A beehive.
I am a country, a bird, and sometimes also cold.
What am I?
Turkey.
What goes 99 thump, 99 thump, 99 thump?
A centipede with a wooden leg.
Why does a dog wag its tail?
Nobody else will wag it for him.
What’s small, fuzzy, and can’t breathe?
A koala holding its breath.
What animal never gets hungry and never needs to eat?
Stuffed animals.
Jack and Jill lay dead on the floor.
There’s shattered glass next to them,
and they died from a lack of water.
What happened?
They’re goldfish.
A house has four walls, and they all face south.
A bear sits outside. What color is the bear?
White. It’s a polar bear because the house is at the North Pole.
What’s key to a great Thanksgiving?
A turkey.
What kind of key can open a church?
A monkey.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple.
What’s the number one use of cowhide?
Holding cows together.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they don’t have money to buy jackets.
Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they don’t know the words.
How do you make a ponytail?
Make up a story about a horse.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It wasn’t chicken!
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because they can’t run around in triangles.
Why did the bird fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
I live with hundreds of my brothers and one lovely lady,
but she’s not my honey.
What am I?
A bee.
What time is it when 10 lions are chasing you?
10 after 1.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a sedan.
I’m made of gold yet have no money
(and cost almost nothing).
What am I?
A goldfish.
I jump when I walk, and I sit when I stand.
What am I?
A kangaroo.
I always go to bed with my shoes on.
What am I?
A horse.
I have eyes in my head, but many more on my tail.
What am I?
A peacock.
100 feet in the air, back on the ground.
What am I?
A centipede … lying on its back.
How do you make any dog into a Scotty dog?
Rename it Scotty.
What asks but never answers?
An owl.
What’s smaller than an ant’s mouth?
Whatever an ant eats.
HER: I want to buy a dog, but they’re so expensive.
Do you know of any that go cheap?
HIM: No, most dogs bark.
How do you avoid diseases from biting insects?
Don’t bite insects.
What do zebras have that no other animals have?
Zebra babies.
Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?
Because its head is very far away from its body.
When is it truly unlucky for a black cat to cross your path?
If you’re a mouse.
How is an old dog like a hill?
One is a slow pup, the other is a slope up.
How do you spell cat backwards?
C-A-T-B-A-C-K-W-A-R-D-S
What does a dog do but a person wears?
Pants!
How do you cure a dog’s fleas?
Depends on what sickness the fleas have.
Why did the deer eat raw grass?
Because it never learned how to cook it.
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s easier than walking.
Where do birds go to school?
High school.
What is the best way to stop a dog from barking in,
and digging up, the front yard?
Put it in the backyard.
What would you do if a giraffe sat in front of you at a movie?
Miss most of the movie.
Copyright © 2020 by St. Martin’s Press
