ONE
Discovering Your True Self
“Who am I?”
“Why was I born?”
“What’s my reason for living?”
“Why do the people I love have to die, and will I see them again?”
“Why do I have to die, and what will happen when I do?”
“Is this world all there is, or is there something more?”
“Why is there so much sorrow and evil in the world?”
“Is God really there?”
As a psychic intuitive medium for more than forty-five years, I have heard questions like these from thousands of people—clients, friends, family members, audiences of my TV shows, the people who attend book signings or whom I meet on the street. And I have asked these questions myself, especially in times of grief and emotional distress. I, too, have felt the enormous pain of losing loved ones, and the guilt and remorse and regret for things done and not done. And, like most people, there have been times that I have questioned the wisdom of a God that would allow famine, genocide, and suffering in the world.
However, the one thing I do not question—indeed, the thing I know with absolute certainty—is that we continue to live beyond the short time we spend on Earth in any given lifetime. Our souls exist before we are born, and our spirits do not die when our bodies stop working. I know this because my life’s work is to connect people on Earth with the spirits of their departed loved ones. It is enormously rewarding. I have watched joy and amazement appear on the faces of fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, grandchildren, spouses, or best friends as they hear messages, through me, that could only come from the people who have passed over to the other side. I have witnessed the healing and consolation they feel when they know their loved ones are still there, still caring, still communicating and still connected to them despite the great loss from their death.
I saw this happen on one of my Dutch television shows. Thom’s wife, Mariska, had died two years earlier, and he was still heartbroken. I went to his apartment in Amsterdam to give him a reading. Now, when I read for people, I usually pick up on the letters of the names of their loved ones, both living and deceased; it’s my way of tuning in to the unique energy each spirit possesses. Within a minute or two, I picked up on the name of Thom’s father, who was living, and then Maria, his wife’s mother. “Maria is with Mariska and helping her to come through,” I said. “Now Mariska is showing me something around your neck. What is it?”
Thom pulled out a pendant from under his shirt. “It contains her ashes,” he told me.
“She knows that you wear it. She’s also telling me about a colleague of yours that plays music. Are you a musician too?”
Thom sighed. “I was—but I stopped after she died.” It was clear he was still in a great deal of pain.
“I know that a part of you stopped living when she died, but it makes her sad to think that you’re not playing music,” I told him. “She says that you’re brilliant and gifted and talented and if you were to start being creative again, it would bring her closer to you. She says that there’s music you need to write.”
“I wrote something and performed it, but not recently,” Thom admitted.
“Now she’s showing me something about the heart.” I tapped the upper part of my chest. “Did you two have a sign about the heart?”
Thom thought a moment, then he nodded. “I had a special tattoo done for her; it’s her family initials. How could you know that?” And he pulled at his shirt to show me the tattoo in the same location where I had tapped my own chest.
But Mariska wasn’t done. “When you cremated her, you put something on her heart or in her pocket? And nobody knows about it but you?” I asked.
Thom looked amazed. “I put a photo in with her, right above her heart. I did that at the cremation place; nobody saw me.”
“She’s saying, ‘If you want proof that I’m still with you, your picture is on my heart and nobody knows it.’” Then I smiled and told Thom, “And she’s saying that if you don’t get your butt in gear and start writing music, she’s going to be very mad!”
The connection we feel with our loved ones is one of the strongest forces in the universe. For most of us, it is a fundamental part of our lives, and well it should be—because love never dies. This reading brought Thom a great comfort because he knew that his beloved wife was still with him, still connected to him and watching over him, and she would be waiting for him when it was his time to pass over. It also provided him a cosmic kick to help him reconnect to life and make the most of his time here on Earth.
Only with the heart can a person see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
—ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPÉRY
I believe that part of my mission on Earth is to give people proof that even after death their loved ones are still with them, so they can know that this life is not all there is, and that we all will continue to live and love for eternity. For more than forty-five years, I have been teaching my students, “Life is a school,” “Cherish your loved ones every day,” “Live in such a way that you will have no regrets,” “You are part of something far greater than yourself,” and “You can tap into the universal energy of goodness, wisdom, and love and use its guidance to prevent problems and guide your life.” However, the core of my work goes beyond connecting people with departed loved ones, or even proving that there is life after death. The central part of my mission is to teach people how to develop their own intuition, their own inner wisdom, the innate sense inside of each one of us that is connected to everything, including the spirits of our departed loved ones. But equally important, my goal is to help people become aware of the universal wisdom, goodness, and love that unite everyone and everything. That universal goodness is where we come from when we are born, and where we return when we pass over to the other side.
Before You Were Born, You Lived
We are luminous beings. We are perceivers. We are an awareness.
—DON JUAN, SHAMAN
We all start life as part of something other than ourselves. Our physical bodies are made from the genetic material of our parents; we are part of our mother biologically for nine months until we are separated physically at birth. But where does our animating spirit come from? When do we become the separate I consciousness of Char, or Thom, or Mariska, or you? And if that I consciousness is who we are during our lifetime, what happens to it when the physical body dies? These are questions that scientists and philosophers have wrestled with for centuries, and I’m not going to pretend that I know the answers. Indeed, any answer created by an incarnate human being is inevitably born of our human (and limited) experience and understanding. But I do know that there is a greater truth than any one of us can put into words, a truth that each of us knows intuitively and innately: We are part of something far bigger than ourselves. We are all on an eternal journey, and each individual lifetime is only a temporary stage in our progress. Before we were born, we lived. After we die, our spirits continue to learn and grow. Who we are when we are born, who we choose as our family (yes, we choose our parents and our family situation), and what we do with our lives are all part of something greater than our own individual experience in one particular lifetime.
I believe that each of us has always existed and will always continue to exist, because we are part of God. God was, is, and always will be; but divine energy is dynamic, not static. It creates the universe from itself, watches as it grows and expands and then disappears, to reappear in a new form. God is ever evolving, ever changing, yet always present. As part of this divine energy, we, too, grow and evolve. I believe that each of us starts off at the right hand of God, and we incarnate so we can learn lessons and grow from our experiences on Earth. As many spiritual masters tell us, we are pure Beings that become human for a while. During those incarnations we have free will and choice. We go through temptations and tests; we may take actions that can turn us to evil and others that turn us to good. In every incarnation, our goal is to learn and grow so much that we may get back to where we began—at the right hand of God, the ultimate in goodness and love, and whose goodness and love is expanded by our efforts. This eternal cycle of growth is our purpose and our nature, because it is the nature of the divine to continually evolve into ever-greater perfection.
In the realm of eternity, each of us has a soul, an energetic being that records and benefits from the lessons and experiences of all our times on Earth. The soul’s reason for existence is to learn and grow in goodness, wisdom, and love. But while souls make progress in the eternal realm, the greatest progress happens here on Earth. That’s why we are born and live many lives; Earth is our school, and here is where we learn our most important lessons. When our soul chooses to come to Earth and be born, we become what I call a spirit. Each spirit has a unique energy thumbprint, based upon its experiences in each lifetime. That unique energy is what we sense when someone we love walks into a room and, without seeing or hearing them, we know who it is. We keep our energy thumbprint even after we die; in fact, that is what I pick up on when I sense the presence of a departed loved one on the other side. At the same time, part of us stays with the soul in the spirit world even while we incarnate here on Earth. I think of it kind of like dreaming. When we dream, part of us is in the dream and fully experiencing it. For the part of us in the dream, it seems “real.” Yet at the same time there also is part of us lying on a bed, sleeping, seemingly unconscious of our surroundings unless something wakes us up. Two parts of the same being, two parts of our consciousness, coexisting in the same moment, connected yet unaware of the connection—that’s how I view the eternal connection between the incarnated spirit and the eternal soul.
We are born as many different spirits in many different forms—men, women, beasts, of all shapes, sizes, colors, and abilities. In these forms, we are confronted with all the lessons life has to give us: love, betrayal, temptation, guilt, making right choices, and so on. In each lifetime, we also have glimpses that remind us that we are not bodies with spirits but spirits with bodies. When the body dies, the spirit returns to its eternal form as intelligent energy. Think of your spirit as a snowflake. Each snowflake is unique, formed by water vapor in the atmosphere that freezes and takes solid form. The snowflake falls to Earth, where it melts and turns back into water. Eventually the water evaporates, rises to the clouds, and the cycle begins again. Like that snowflake, your soul takes a unique and beautiful spirit form so it might come to Earth. When you die, your spirit returns to its original state and rejoins the soul on the other side. But that doesn’t mean our spirits lose their unique energy or stop being connected to our loved ones. Even after death, each spirit continues to care about friends and family here on Earth and those who have already passed over. Love never dies, and our spirits are part of an immense web of love that crosses the barrier of death and continues from lifetime to lifetime. That web of love and connection is why we can sense the presence of our loved ones after they are gone. It’s why people who are dying often see their loved ones waiting for them with open arms. The ongoing connection is the reason we have soul mates, people whom we love lifetime after lifetime. That web of love enables me (and you) to tune in to the spirits on the other side and give their messages to their loved ones on Earth.
When we pass over, in the moment of our death, our life flashes before our eyes. We see our thoughts and deeds through the eyes of truth and goodness. (In life, people may go into denial, but in the afterlife, we cannot ignore the truth.) We see what we have learned as well as the lessons we have failed to learn. Our spirit then rejoins our soul, which adds the experiences from this lifetime to the memories of all the past lifetimes we have gone through over the ages. Each lifetime is an opportunity either to move higher or to create karma that must be cleared before the soul can progress. If we learn our lessons well and we grow in goodness, wisdom, and love, our soul becomes more and more refined; it vibrates at a higher level. Souls that vibrate at higher levels may become guardian angels, or they may choose to come back as great beings that inspire us with their examples. If our soul has not learned all its lessons or has more growing to do, it goes back to “school”—Earth—and reincarnates as a spirit again. If while on Earth a spirit chooses to cause deliberate harm or to do evil in some way, that energy, too, is added to our soul, which then vibrates at a lower level and must reincarnate to make amends in some way. It’s called the law of karma: what you sow in one lifetime, you will reap in the next. Only when the past karma of evil deeds is atoned for can your soul continue its progress.
The soul is timeless. A spiritual part of all creation, it is formed from the loving energy that creates us all.
—HOWARD F. BATIE
If the goal of the spirit is to learn and grow in each lifetime, and if the goal of the soul is to incorporate the wisdom of each spirit’s experience and use it to grow in goodness, wisdom, and love, what happens when the soul is completely filled with these energies? I believe that the ultimate destination of our soul’s progress is the truth of who we truly are. We are manifestations of the intelligent, loving energy that composes the universe. We are all part of that universal consciousness, an interconnected energy that creates reality in every moment. This energy contains good and bad, great and small, the universe itself and every manifestation present within it. It existed before time and will exist after time ends. This energy goes by many names: qi or chi (Chinese), prana (Indian), mana (Polynesian), ni (Native American), num (African), vital fluid, the field of infinite possibilities, quantum soup, the life force, morphic energy, and so on. But it is universal conscious energy: it is both intelligent and beneficent. It is both what we are made of and also a force that wants the best for us. Religious leaders and philosophers have personalized this energy, calling it God, Yahweh, Being, the Tao, Atman, Allah, Universal Consciousness, Light, the Divine, Oneness, the Over-soul, and a thousand other terms that cannot begin to describe it. I have come to call this universal, loving goodness Essence, because it is the force that lies at the core of every being, every experience, every leaf, star, atom, and galaxy. It is also the essential truth of who we are.
Essence Is Essential
Something there is in every drop of water, every grain of sand, which it is beyond the power of human understanding to fathom or comprehend.
—GEORGE BERKELEY, IRISH BISHOP AND PHILOSOPHER
The root of the word essence comes from the Latin word esse, which means “to be.” The definition of essence is “the basic, real, and invariable nature of a thing or its significant individual feature or features: the most important part or quality.” Philosophy says that essence is “the inward nature, true substance, or constitution of anything, as opposed to what is accidental, phenomenal, illusory, etc.” Essence is essential; it is the component that makes something what it is, and without which that “thing” would be different.
I use the term Essence to describe the fundamental, living, intelligent, loving energy that makes up the entire universe and everything beyond it. The same love, the same divine energy, the same wisdom that can power the atoms and speak to us from beyond the grave is who we truly are. No name can capture it because this energy transcends any words or concepts that can be created by our limited human minds. For centuries, poets and philosophers of every great religious and spiritual tradition have tried to describe this living and intelligent Essence. In Psalm 111, David says the Lord is “honorable,” “glorious,” “righteous,” “gracious,” and “full of compassion.” John 1:9 describes Essence as “the light that gives light to every man.” The Bhagavad Gita says Essence is “the taste of water, the light of the sun and moon, the sound in ether and ability in man;… the original fragrance of the earth, the heat in fire, the intelligence of the intelligent and the strength of the strong,” an energy in everything and yet independent. The Tao Te Ching describes the Tao as “the Mother of all things.” Zen Buddhists call Essence the state of Absolute Being—undivided, eternal, and holy. On the very first page of the Koran, Allah, which literally means “the divine,” is said to be benevolent and merciful; Allah creates and maintains all things and brings them to a state of perfection.
Both your soul and spirit are made of this essential energy. You are simply a part of Essence that has chosen to become a human being in this point of space-time. Remember the snowflake, beautiful and unique, forming in a cloud, drifting to Earth, then becoming water, then vapor, and ascending once more to the clouds? The snowflake’s essence is always the same—water. Each time we incarnate as human beings, we take form and come to Earth for a certain amount of time, to live and love and learn our lessons. After a while, our physical form disappears and we transform back into our original, essential energy. No matter what form we take, our Essence remains the same.
At the heart of each of us, whatever our imperfections, there exists a silent pulse of perfect rhythm, which is absolutely individual and unique, and yet which connects us to everything else.
—GEORGE LEONARD
Our Essence is always there even when we’re not aware of it, because it’s all around us. We’re like the little fish that spent its entire life happily swimming in a cove next to a beach. Then one day it heard one of the other fish speaking of something it called the “ocean.” “It’s the biggest thing you’ve ever seen,” the other fish said. “You can’t imagine how huge and wonderful it is.” The little fish was fascinated. Nothing would do but it had to go in search of the ocean. It swam out of its cove and far out into the ocean waters, where it encountered a wise old fish.
“Excuse me, but can you tell me how to find the ocean?” the little fish asked.
“You’re in it right now—it’s all around you,” the other fish replied.
“But this is just water,” the little fish said, disappointed. “I’m looking for the ocean, which is the biggest thing anyone could imagine.” And it swam off in an endless search for the place where it already was.
Some spiritual masters and traditions tell us that we must seek long and hard, meditate for hours, fast for days, or give up our material possessions to discover our Essence. I’m here to tell you, however, that you have experienced Essence. In fact, you’re experiencing it in every moment—you simply may never have used the term Essence to describe it. Like the little fish, you are swimming in the ocean of Essence, but you aren’t aware of exactly where you are. But connecting to Essence can be as simple as closing your eyes and focusing on its presence within.
CONNECTING TO ESSENCE
Close your eyes for a moment and focus on your breath as it comes in and out. You don’t have to do anything to earn the right to breathe—it’s natural. As you focus on your breath, notice the subtle energy in your body. There’s a sense of aliveness that includes your conscious mind yet is bigger than just your thoughts or your body. That subtle energy is Essence. If you don’t feel it, relax. It’s always there, and it never changes, because it’s who you really are. Eventually, your mind will allow you to feel your Essence.
Connecting to Essence can happen when we listen to the voice inside us that tells us what choice will be our highest and best. It can happen when we walk out of our front door and appreciate the miracles of nature. It can happen when we see the smile of a baby, hear the voice of a loved one, or feel the hug of a friend. We connect with Essence anytime we recognize that we are not alone, that we are part of something greater than ourselves, and who we are will survive the death of the physical body as our spirits step gently from this world into the next. When we connect with Essence, we remember that, while there is good and evil in this world, we are here to choose the good. Every time we choose good over evil, we strengthen the presence of Essence in our lives. When we feel it, our lives are happier and more complete.
In moments when our emotions are heightened, it can feel as if we move toward a greater awareness of Essence. When a mother holds her child in her arms for the first time. When family and loved ones gather for a dying person’s last moments. When we look into the eyes of our soul mate. In times of great tragedy, like the terrorist attacks in New York, Washington, London, Madrid, or Bali, we can feel Essence upholding and strengthening us. In times of celebration, we can sense a happiness that is beyond the personal and connects us to something deeper. There are moments in life where we rely on God’s will, and we can feel truth and pureness radiating from within and outside of ourselves. In all of these experiences, Essence shines forth, if we are simply willing to acknowledge its presence. Rabbi Irwin Kula says that at these times, the only way to describe our emotions is with the expression “Oh my God!”—an instant recognition of the presence of Essence. With each instance, our perception of Essence is clearer, and we will feel its love and support in our lives in every possible circumstance. Essence is joy, bliss, connectedness to everything. Essence is like the air you breathe—always present, rarely noticed, but essential for life.
Letting Your True Nature Shine Forth
In the same way that we can keep an intimate relationship fresh and alive by focusing on the love we share with a partner, acknowledging the gift our partner is in our life, and appreciating the little ways our partner makes us feel loved, we can nurture our relationship with Essence by paying attention to it, by focusing on the gifts it brings to us, and by looking for the ways that it appears in every minute. However, when we are faced with tragic loss that we can’t understand, we can feel cut off from Essence. I once read for a young mother who had gone through one of the most difficult experiences any parent could face: she had accidentally left her baby son, Chris, in the back seat of the family car. It was a hot day, and the little boy died before she returned. When I visited her several months later, it was clear that she was still heartbroken, racked with guilt and remorse. As compassionately as I could, I told her, “You can’t put yourself through this torture. This was an accident, completely unintentional, and your son knows that. His spirit is around you, and if he sees mama sad all the time, he won’t understand it. He’s so little that he didn’t know he passed over—he’s just playing in heaven, and he’s with your family on the other side.”
For a moment the mother looked as if she felt better, but then she started to cry. “Why didn’t someone see him?” she asked in despair. “No one stopped, no one looked in the car the entire time I was gone, no one called me from day care to ask where he was. Why didn’t my intuition warn me? Why wasn’t a guardian angel watching over my little boy?” Her husband took her hand and tried to console her, but it was clear that his heart was close to breaking, too.
“Maybe a guardian angel was watching over him,” I answered, trying not to cry myself. “Maybe God needed Chris more than you did, and his guardian angel took him straight to heaven. Sometimes children who go to heaven young are here to share their love with us for a short time and then move on. This was just a really sad mistake, but you need to forgive yourself.” The mom looked doubtful, but her baby’s spirit was speaking clearly through me. “Chris is still with you,” I reassured her. “He’s happy and loving and being taken care of on the other side. And I hope you will come to feel the peace he’s letting me feel right now.” Something of Chris’s spirit must have been speaking silently to his parents, because I could see their energy getting lighter.
My work of connecting people like these grieving parents with their departed loved ones can bring consolation and closure. It also can give people in pain the confidence that those they love and have lost are still alive and happy. But ultimately the highest goal of a reading is to open people’s hearts and minds to the Essence of goodness, wisdom, and love of which we are made and in which we exist. How much better would you feel knowing that even in the most tragic circumstances there was a conscious energy of goodness, wisdom, and love that was looking out for you and for those you love? Better yet, how would it be to be able to connect to that very same energy at any moment in time? Living in Essence shows us how to deal with fear, with crisis, with catastrophe. When we are connected with our inner truth and divinity, we can face our fears and either overcome them or use them as the warnings they are. And while living in Essence does not mean we are immune to the challenges of life, it does give us a rock upon which to stand as the waves of crisis and catastrophe wash against us. As Psalm 23 says, “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.”
When we live in Essence, we know that universal wisdom is always with us, present inside our hearts and minds. The more we acknowledge it and seek to connect with it, the more it can manifest for us every day. Sometimes your Essence will be like the sun breaking through the clouds, sometimes it will completely take over the sky, and sometimes it will rest behind the horizon. But remember, your Essence is the most constant part of you, or me, or us, and your spirit and soul.
Intuition and Essence
Intuition is one of the primary ways we can connect directly with Essence. Do you ever have moments when your intuition pops up and you know without a doubt that this is the answer? In the same way, when we get a glimpse of Essence, that same familiarity touches our entire being and reminds us of our true purpose for existence. Intuition is our direct pipeline to the all-knowing nature of Essence, and when we use it to tune in, we also can sense the loving side of Essence as well. And the more we use our intuition or connect with Essence, the stronger and easier it becomes to hear its message.
However, if you’re trying too hard to connect, you can get in your own way. If you’ve ever “tried” to meditate, you know what I mean. Sitting down and thinking, I want to meditate … I want to meditate … Why am I still thinking? I want to meditate! is the surest recipe for failure and frustration. In the same way, working too hard to be intuitive or to be aware of Essence causes you to focus on the effort rather than the goal. You don’t have to work to be intuitive, and you don’t have to work to be aware of Essence, any more than you have to work hard to be. I tell my students who are studying to develop their intuition, “If you have to work hard at this, you’re doing it wrong. Know you are intuitive, do what you need to do to clear your mind and calm your body and emotions; then ask your question, let go, and trust. Often your intuition will give you the answer when you least expect it.” The same is true of connecting with Essence. Clear your mind, calm your body, and then turn your focus inside. Listen for the subtle energy that pulses through every cell in your body. That energy is Essence, and it is always with you.
I wrote this book to help deepen our understanding and connection with the loving, wise, compassionate energy of goodness that is our true Essence and the Essence of all existence. I don’t claim to be a guru or someone who has all the answers, but I’ve been fortunate enough to experience the truth of Essence and to feel its blessings. Like everyone, I forget my Essence frequently; I go through ups and downs just like my readers do. But when you’ve felt the truth and love that are inside our deepest core, when you’ve listened to your own inner voice and seen what can happen when you heed its advice, and when you’ve been uplifted in times of crisis by the sense that a love greater than anything in the universe is holding you in the palm of its hand, then you’ll have an idea of what motivates me to write this book. In its pages, I hope you’ll find truths that resonate with what you intuitively know inside, as well as ways to connect with Essence in your daily life, in your spiritual journey, in your relationships, in nature, and in moments of great joy and sorrow, including moments of death. In the New Testament, the Apostle John wrote, “The truth will set you free.” I believe that when we understand the truth of our own Essence and live consciously from that knowledge, we are free to live, love, give, and walk through this world in greater happiness and fulfillment.
YOUR SOUL’S ENERGY BOOSTERS
Our souls exist before we are born, and our spirits do not die when our bodies stop working.“Life is a school, we are here to learn lessons.” “Cherish your loved ones every day.” “Live in such a way that you will have no regrets.” “You are part of something far greater than yourself.” “You can tap in to the universal energy of goodness, wisdom, and love and use its guidance to prevent problems and guide your life.”Our Essence is always there even when we’re not aware of it, because it’s all around us.When we connect with Essence, we remember that, while there is good and evil in this world, we are here to choose the good. Every time we choose good over evil, we strengthen the presence of Essence in our lives. When we feel it, our lives are happier and more complete.It’s called the law of karma: what you sow in one lifetime, you will reap in the next. Only when the past karma of evil deeds is atoned for can your soul continue its progress.Living in Essence shows us how to deal with fear, with crisis, with catastrophe. When we are connected with our inner truth and divinity, we can face our fears and either overcome them or use them as the warnings they are.Essence is joy, bliss, connectedness to everything. Essence is like the air you breathe—always present, rarely noticed, but essential for life.
Copyright © 2020 by Char Communications, Inc.
Foreword copyright © 2020 by RuPaul
