1
SWEET, SWEET PLANS
With the wind in her face, she felt like a bright, shiny supernova. The air from the whirring helicopter blade puffed her tail into a big white cloud. A well-disguised Ophelia waved at her welcoming committee. Of course, the crowd had no idea they had just let an infamous cat burglar on the red-carpeted rooftop of their snazzy Swiss castle.
Ophelia held tight to her jewel-encrusted hat until the wind from the chopper died down. Cameras flashed and photographers ooohed and aaahed. Her poses for the press were purr-fect.
“Welcome!” her host gushed. “We’re so honored to have you at the Swiss Hiss Confection Castle! Each and every one of our world-famous treats are made right here. I’m Ruby, great-great-great-granddaughter of the company’s founder. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ali. I’ll be showing you around.”
Comfortable in her disguise, Ophelia grinned and politely held out a paw. She always enjoyed good old-fashioned manners.
“It’s very nice to meet you, too,” she stated simply.
“Nobody can believe the one and only Ali Kat Cooke, world-famous food critic, is visiting to test our world-class cakes! We’re very grateful your agent contacted us. We just can’t wait to hear what you think of our newest recipe!” Ruby grinned. “Our chefs have been perfecting it for years. We hope you adore it.”
Ophelia mewed back slyly. Of course, Ophelia von Hairball V of Burglaria wasn’t a food critic at all. Although she liked the finer things in life— including very good cake—the world’s number one cat burglar didn’t normally have time to travel around the globe and write about it. So while it was true Ophelia was excited to try the newest treat that the Swiss Hiss Confectionery Company had created, her reason for being at the castle was actually to nab the top-secret recipe and take it back to her lair.
Ophelia von Hairball V planned to use the best cake recipe in the world to make a dessert masterpiece—a special nine-layer catnip birthday cake for MEW, the director of the Furry Feline Burglary Institute. Since MEW had everything (and could easily take whatever she didn’t have), Ophelia wanted to make her something special—a cake crafted entirely from scratch. It would be the most delicious gift ever. Most important, it would beat any tacky present Ophelia’s (very mean) cousin Pierre would buy MEW. It was critical that Ophelia give MEW a better gift than Pierre—their rivalry was epic.
Ophelia followed Ruby away from the helicopter. They soon approached the large glass door on the castle’s rooftop. Ophelia peered at herself and admired her stellar disguise. It was one she’d put together herself.
It hadn’t been hard to create a look for Ali Kat Cooke because the famous food critic had never before been photographed! Ali kept her identity secret for a good reason: She always pretended to be a regular patron at the restaurants she visited so she could judge food anonymously. If nobody knew who she was, nobody would give her special treatment.
Ali’s column ran on all the major news sites and was read by millions all over the globe. If a restaurant was given a good review by Ali Kat Cooke, it meant instant success.
Inside the castle, Ophelia walked down a long, gleaming marble corridor to a central spiral staircase. Beside her, Ruby buzzed with excitement. “Did you know that in the entire hiss-tory of the Swiss Hiss empire, nobody has ever been invited to see the inner workings of the palace? Until you, that is.”
“Well, I’m thrilled to be here, Ruby.” Ophelia was sincere. “And may I just say you’ve got the very best name in the whole entire world? I do love rubies.”
Her host beamed.
Normally, Ophelia’s heists involved gleaming gems and priceless jewels—not recipes. But because she was an agent for the FFBI, her cat burglary prowess wasn’t so much about taking something but more about proving she could take something.
With a firm belief in time-honored traditions, Ophelia had been the FFBI’s top cat burglar for years. With class, pizzazz, and a whole lot of snazz, she’d stolen precious jewelry, one-of-a-kind motorcycles, and even a dangerous ancient device. But it wasn’t always easy. Ophelia had to be at the top of her game because her ne-fur-ious cousin Pierre (the FFBI’s number two cat burglar) was always chasing her tail for the number one spot.
Ophelia and Pierre had been rivals since childhood. Except for their similar fierce competitive streaks, they were complete opposites. Ophelia followed the rules, and Pierre cheated every chance he could. Ophelia was meticulous, and Pierre was sloppy. Worst of all, when they were teensy fluff-ball kittens, Pierre had stolen Ophelia’s special
action figure, Captain Claw-some— which had been a gift from their grandmother. (Ophelia was determined to get it back—sooner rather than later!)
They approached a spiral staircase. Ophelia could see a fancy kitchen on the floor below. But as they neared the stairs, a wall of security guards stopped them. Ruby looked at Ophelia sheepishly. “I hope you don’t mind. There’s so much security. We do, after all, hold the one and only recipe for the best and most celebrated cake in the world. They’ll need to see your passport.”
“But of course.” Ophelia nodded. She reached into her handbag and pulled out a passport. “Here I am. International food critic Ali Kat Cooke.”
The head guard examined the document closely. Ophelia wasn’t worried about the guard’s scrutiny. Ophelia’s disguises and forgeries were always purr-fectly executed. She went the extra mile. He nodded and passed it back to her.
“We’ve become more strict lately,” Ruby confessed. “There were rumors of people hunting around online for this castle’s blueprints.”
Ophelia managed to look shocked, even though it was probably her snooping that had set alarm bells off. (Her acting skills often came in handy during heists.) “Wow!” she said. “Are we in danger of being robbed?”
“Oh, no! Please don’t worry,” Ruby assured her with a whisper. “I’m not supposed to say, but we’ve really bumped up security precautions. The blueprints online are all wrong. On the advice of our chief security officer, we redesigned the entire castle’s interior to deter thieves! We never released the new plans!”
Ophelia hissed under her breath.
“Never hand over your dreams, your favorite shoes, or your cake recipe.”
—Ophelia von Hairball V
2
UN-FUR-GETTABLE SIDEKICK
Without a solid plan, Ophelia needed to buy some time. A few feet from where they stood, she saw a grand hallway. The Swiss Hiss family photos lined the walls. “Ruby, before we go down to the kitchen, do you mind if I take a moment to look around up here? I adore hiss-tory, and I’d like to include some of your family stories in my glowing review.”
“But of course!” Ruby was proud. “Take your time!”
Once Ophelia was out of Ruby’s earshot, she dialed her fishy inventor. Oscar F. Gold immediately answered the video call.
Ophelia was suspicious. Oscar was always overeager to be part of any adventure. “You don’t seem too busy. You answered on the first ring.”
“Let me show you!” the fish told her with gusto. Oscar turned his phone to show her where he was. “Look at my gorgeous surroundings! P.U.G. and I are very much enjoying a ski hill.” Ophelia could see the fish and their Personal Ultra Gadget on top of a snowy mountain.
Oscar had engineered P.U.G., a robotic invention, to look an awful lot like their annoying next-door neighbor—a dog called Thug, who was a member of the FFBI’s rival organization, the Central Canine Intelligence Agency, or CCIA. She didn’t like Thug, and she didn’t like P.U.G. And it was a bit annoying that Oscar had created it.
When the FFBI first assigned Oscar to Ophelia, she hadn’t wanted an inventor at all. The fish was nice enough and plenty smart, but she’d always preferred to work alone. However, on several recent heists, Oscar had been very helpful. Slowly, Ophelia had warmed up to the idea of having him around once in a while. (Though she hadn’t invited him to Switzerland.)
Oscar moved his phone cam around more. “See? We’re so busy,” he stated. “And very much enjoying a few moguls while we test out my latest jet-propulsion gadget.”
“Love your ski outfit,” she commented. As well as devising great gadgets and gear, Oscar designed stellar costumes and disguises.
“Thank you.” He beamed. Although Ophelia was sometimes difficult to work with, he had been a devoted fan-fish since the first time he’d heard stories about her.
“Hold on, Oscar.” Ophelia caught a glimpse of something oddly fur-miliar in Oscar’s background. “Where are you?” Ophelia asked suspiciously. “Big White? Niseko? Telluride?”
“Um … we’re on a really snowy hill.”
“Yes. In which country?”
“Well, er—Switzerland,” Oscar replied sheepishly.
“Switzerland?” Ophelia grinned. “Well, well. Isn’t that just a huge, fishy coincidence,” she replied. “As you know, I’m here in Switzerland, too!”
“Oh. Er—uh, that’s odd we ended up in the same country.”
Down the hall, Ophelia saw Ruby check her watch. Ophelia pretended to take pictures of the photographs on the wall as she whispered to Oscar.
“You need me?” He sounded thrilled. “Ophelia, did you just say you need me?”
Ophelia felt her fur start to stand up. “Oscar—I do need you … to look something up for me.”
“You can’t take it back now! Ophelia, I’m your loyal sidekick, and I will be there by your side in sixty seconds flat!”
“What do you mean, sixty seconds?”
“Well, uh, the hill we’re at is super close to where you are.”
“HOW CLOSE?”
“Look out the window.…”
Ophelia sighed. “I actually just need some recon. Some information! I’m—”
“I know what you’re doing,” Oscar said. “You’re in the Swiss Hiss Confection Castle looking for the super-secret cake recipe.” He’d done his research. “Let me guess: You’ve probably already made it past the first set of guards, and some enthusiastic employee let it slip that the blueprints you memorized are outdated. So now you need my help finding the new building plans. Am I right?”
Growl. The cat burglar didn’t want to admit he was 100 percent right. But she didn’t have time to wait for her greatest fan-fish to offer a helping fin.
“I presume you are wearing your cat burglar costume under that fancy disguise?”
Ophelia grinned into the phone. “I am.”
“Brilliant!” Oscar had designed the cat burglar outfit and was proud of all its features. “First, put your earpiece in so I can talk to you without anyone getting suspicious. Then push the gold button on your left paw.”
Ophelia put the earpiece in but knew better than to push any of Oscar’s gold buttons without first asking what it might do. “I’ll need more intel about that gold button,” she said. “And hurry, please. I’m running out of time here.”
“There’s only one of mew, and you’re the cat’s meow. Never forget it.”
—Ophelia von Hairball V
3
WIZARD OF PAWS!
“The gold button on your left paw will deploy a small drone that looks like an insect. It’s programmed to survey the building and transmit everything it sees. You’ll have a 3-D hologram of the building within seconds.”
He might’ve been slightly annoying, but Oscar was one smart inventor. “Thank you.” Ophelia chuckled to herself, hit the gold button, and watched the drone take off to survey the castle. Almost instantly, Ophelia had updated plans.
She quickly examined them. It was obvious to her that the top-secret recipes would be in the location with the greatest security. And there happened to be a giant, old-fashioned iron safe (her favorite kind) just off the castle’s kitchen, one room away from where she was now.
“I’ve got all the hiss-tory I need, Ruby! Thank you for letting me take pictures. Would you show me to the kitchen?”
During the kitchen tour, Ophelia used her superior sleight-of-paw moves and nabbed a few items. Plastic soda bottle, hydrogen peroxide, dry yeast, dish soap, warm water, safety goggles.
“Ophelia! I see you pilfering weird things. What are you doing?” In her ear, Oscar sounded panicked. “Just go down the hallway and get into that safe. You’re only a few steps away!”
“Hallways are boring. Besides, I see a few guards hanging around. I’m about to create a teensy distraction, Oscar. Then I’ll head out the window, scale the wall to the next window, pounce inside to nab the recipe, then scale the wall back here. Nobody will miss me.”
“But why make it so complicated? Why scale when you can walk?”
“I thought you liked scales!” she chided.
Oscar didn’t laugh at her attempt at a fishy joke. “No! Don’t scale anything. It’s unnecessary! If you really need a distraction, P.U.G. and I can easily get rid of the guards.”
“No thank you,” she told him firmly. “I’ve made up my mind. I haven’t had the opportunity to use this daring heist move for quite some time. One must practice classic cat burglar moves to stay at the top of one’s game.” Ophelia was worldrenowned for her old-fashioned ways.
She checked on her host who was in the hallway. Ruby was chatting with the security guards. Ophelia guessed she had approximately one minute to sneak out the window, scale the wall, get to the safe, and come back. If she took any longer, someone might notice that she was missing. Nobody was paying attention to her now, but she knew once they served her the dessert, all eyes would be on her, so the time was now. She sat down at a very fancy table. Under the table, she put on her safety goggles and mixed her concoction.
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