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Macmillan Childrens Publishing Group

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A Novel

Gaby Dunn and Allison Raskin

Wednesday Books

MORE ABOUT THIS BOOK

Sun, Sep 8, 5:42 PM EST

We’re officially back in the same time zone!

But we’re over a thousand miles apart

Why do you always see the negative?!

Because of my brain. And how it works.

Ah right. How could I forget?

Text me when you get to your apartment.

You mean the youth hostel?

GEN

JK. I got an apartment!

Thank god.

Do you think you’ll ever stop being so gullible?

Maybe in my sixties!

No!

Seventies!

Can’t wait


COCKROACH, BEDBUGS, AND FLEAS OH MY

to Gen

Dear Best* Friend,

I’ve officially scoured every inch of my brand-new (to me) N.Y.C. apartment and did not find a single bug, bug dropping or cobweb. Is it possible that I am the exception to the rule? Will I somehow survive my early twenties without finding la cucaracha in my bed? I better be. I might have beaten out hundreds of kids for this internship but I will pack up and go home to Cali the moment I feel something crawling on me.

Remember that time junior year of high school when that spider fell on my head during the only time I made out in high school???? And then you called me a Bug Queen while I cried? I think I finally have enough time and perspective to find that hilarious now. (Memories … Makes me feel fine! FYI that was to the tune of Summer breeze … Makes me feel fine.)

My roomie/co-intern still isn’t here even though we both start at 7AM tomorrow. I took the bigger room at first, but then felt bad and moved into the smaller one. Why do I do this to myself? Unclear, my dear friend, unclear!

I can’t believe I’m officially an adult. I mean I have zero income and no social life to speak of but I officially go to “work” now instead of “school.” Did you ever think we’d make it this far when we were fourteen and I was still figuring out how to properly shave my armpit hair without cutting myself? I sure didn’t! We don’t even live on the West Coast anymore! Life is crazy! (I know you haven’t really lived on the West Coast for four years, but I’ve always been a late bloomer.) At this rate I should have a husband and kids by forty-five! Anything is possible!

Speaking of the impossible becoming possible …

Mind the Gap with Halona McBride!!

I get to work on Mind the Gap with Halona McBride!! The greatest show on television! The only prime-time late-night show on television with a female host! But I don’t have to tell you that. Because I already told you all summer long. (Thank you again for coming back to L.A. to pretty much exclusively hang out with me. I needed one last summer with my BFF. Plus you’d outgrown Boston/Emerson anyway. I like to think I outgrew USC after my third semester…)

Wow. I’m sweating. What do you think Halona McBride smells like? Will I get close enough to smell her? My thoughts are spinning!

I know it’s only 8PM but I want to go to bed. I guess I have to wait for Dana to get here so she doesn’t think I’m a freak who goes to bed at 8PM regularly. (I only do it on school nights.)

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR APARTMENT! IS IT INSIDE A SWAMP?!

Xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Ava

*Oldest, Favorite, Most Queer, Loudest Friend

Re: COCKROACH, BEDBUGS, AND FLEAS OH MY

to Ava

Hi!! Sorry to reply so late. I hope you’re asleep by now since it’s well past 9PM. My apartment is infested with alligators and mosquitos. I’ve made them my pets. I named one after you. She’s very pretty …

Turns out Florida is HOT! And not in a good way. My pits have been dripping since we touched down. I can’t tell if not shaving them has made it better or worse. (The smell is definitely worse.)

Turns out, my apartment is right by the airport. So I can escape at the drop of a hat if it turns out journalism isn’t for me.

JUST KIDDING! I am clearly following my dream of upholding the fourth estate by writing for a failing Southern newspaper. The Fernandina Beach Centennial will rise from its grave on my hardworking back! Or I’ll quit and start blogging my diet like most of my former classmates. And your grandma thought I wouldn’t amount to anything!

My studio apartment is surprisingly big for $650 a month, but I guess that’s the cost of no living. I don’t have any furniture, so I’m gonna sleep on the floor tonight and figure out my interior design vision tomorrow. I’m thinking tacky yet beachy.

Okay, ta ta for now. I have one hundred hours of Forensic Files to catch up on.

TITS & ASS

Gen

Mon, Sep 9, 5:30 AM

FIRST DAY OF WORK!

DANA IS A BOY!

MY LIFE IS CRAZY!

6:45 AM

First one here. Building is locked.

6:48 AM

Door was not locked. Security guy was watching me struggle the whole time. Mortifying.

6:55 AM

Remember when I thought the door was locked?!

No one else is here.

8:35 AM

Dana’s a dude????

How hot?

1 to 10

9:35 AM

Smart on you for taking some time to think about it. I eagerly await your response re: Dana’s hotness.

10:35 AM

I bought a water bed.

Florida has changed me.


Copyright © 2019 by Gaby Dunn and Allison Raskin