Skip to main content
Macmillan Childrens Publishing Group
Work Mate Marry Love

Work Mate Marry Love

How Machines Shape Our Human Destiny

Debora L. Spar

Farrar, Straus and Giroux

BUY THE BOOK

A crucial guide to life before—and after—Tinder, IVF, and robots.

What will happen to our notions of marriage and parenthood as reproductive technologies increasingly allow for newfangled ways of creating babies? What will happen to our understanding of gender as medical advances enable individuals to transition from one set of sexual characteristics to another, or to remain happily perched in between? What will happen to love and sex and romance as our relationships migrate from the real world to the Internet? Can people fall in love with robots? Will they? In short, what will happen to our most basic notions of humanity as we entangle our lives and emotions with the machines we have created?

In Work Mate Marry Love, Harvard Business School professor and former Barnard College president Debora L. Spar offers an incisive and provocative account of how technology has transformed our intimate lives in the past, and how it will do so again in the future. Surveying the course of history, she shows how marriage as we understand it resulted from the rise of agriculture, and that the nuclear family emerged with the industrial revolution. In their day, the street light, the car, and later the pill all upended courtship and sex. Now, as we enter an era of artificial intelligence and robots, how will our deepest feelings and attachments evolve?

In the past, the prevailing modes of production produced a world dominated by heterosexual, mostly-monogamous, two-parent families. In the future… More…

A crucial guide to life before—and after—Tinder, IVF, and robots.

What will happen to our notions of marriage and parenthood as reproductive technologies increasingly allow for newfangled ways of creating babies? What will happen to our understanding of gender as medical advances enable individuals to transition from one set of sexual characteristics to another, or to remain happily perched in between? What will happen to love and sex and romance as our relationships migrate from the real world to the Internet? Can people fall in love with robots? Will they? In short, what will happen to our most basic notions of humanity as we entangle our lives and emotions with the machines we have created?

In Work Mate Marry Love, Harvard Business School professor and former Barnard College president Debora L. Spar offers an incisive and provocative account of how technology has transformed our intimate lives in the past, and how it will do so again in the future. Surveying the course of history, she shows how marriage as we understand it resulted from the rise of agriculture, and that the nuclear family emerged with the industrial revolution. In their day, the street light, the car, and later the pill all upended courtship and sex. Now, as we enter an era of artificial intelligence and robots, how will our deepest feelings and attachments evolve?

In the past, the prevailing modes of production produced a world dominated by heterosexual, mostly-monogamous, two-parent families. In the future, however, these patterns are almost certain to be reshaped, creating entirely new norms for sex and romance, and for the construction of families and the raising of children. Steering clear of both techno-euphoria and alarmism, Spar offers a bold and inclusive vision of how our lives might be changed for the better.

Less…

1.

Life Before the Machines


The human career divides in two: everything before the Neolithic Revolution and everything after it.

—Ronald Wright, 20041

To the woman He said: “I will greatly...

Praise for Work Mate Marry Love

"Thought-provoking . . . Spar’s explanations of how specific technologies developed are lucid and insightful. Readers will take comfort in this clear-eyed assessment of humanity’s ability to adapt to technological change." Publishers Weekly

"Spar presents an intriguing assertion of the powerful role technology has played in social change . . . 'We make the machines,' she writes archly, 'and then they make us.'"Booklist

"Throughout history, technological change has reordered our lives, including its most intimate aspects. In this powerful account of 8,000 years of human development, Debora L. Spar traces how first settled agriculture, then the steam engine, and eventually the mid-twentieth century revolutions of cars, modern household appliances, and the pill transformed work and family patterns, production and reproduction. This dazzling and fast-paced guide to a new world in the making will make you recoil at times. Yet by unsentimentally historicizing the most intimate aspects of our lives, Spar’s big-picture book opens up new vistas for understanding the most consequential changes of our times." —Sven Beckert, Laird Bell Professor of American History at Harvard University and author of Empire of Cotton

"Based on thousands of years of history, Debora Spar convincingly argues that the major changes we are seeing in the technologies of biology and artificial intelligence are about to change how we think of ourselves and our places in society in … More…

"Thought-provoking . . . Spar’s explanations of how specific technologies developed are lucid and insightful. Readers will take comfort in this clear-eyed assessment of humanity’s ability to adapt to technological change." Publishers Weekly

"Spar presents an intriguing assertion of the powerful role technology has played in social change . . . 'We make the machines,' she writes archly, 'and then they make us.'"Booklist

"Throughout history, technological change has reordered our lives, including its most intimate aspects. In this powerful account of 8,000 years of human development, Debora L. Spar traces how first settled agriculture, then the steam engine, and eventually the mid-twentieth century revolutions of cars, modern household appliances, and the pill transformed work and family patterns, production and reproduction. This dazzling and fast-paced guide to a new world in the making will make you recoil at times. Yet by unsentimentally historicizing the most intimate aspects of our lives, Spar’s big-picture book opens up new vistas for understanding the most consequential changes of our times." —Sven Beckert, Laird Bell Professor of American History at Harvard University and author of Empire of Cotton

"Based on thousands of years of history, Debora Spar convincingly argues that the major changes we are seeing in the technologies of biology and artificial intelligence are about to change how we think of ourselves and our places in society in fundamental ways. More than thought provoking, this is a book that will make you examine why you are the way you are." —James Waldo, Gordon McKay Professor of the Practice of Computer Science and Chief Technology Officer at Harvard University

“A fascinating read. Equal parts history and imagination, Work Mate Marry Love explains how technology always has and always will shape who we are though we are often blind to its true impact. Spar will push you to examine your own experience with tech, and you will wonder where its influence ends and the real you begins.” —Joanna Coles, former editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan and chief content officer of Hearst Magazines, and executive producer of The Bold Type

“Debora Spar’s Work Mate Marry Love is a beautifully poetic examination of how the technologies we feel we are shaping are actually shaping us. With algorithms mediating every aspect of our lives and robots slipping into our bedrooms, it’s essential reading for anyone exploring what it means to be human at this time of revolutionary change. I couldn’t put it down.” Jamie Metzl, bestselling author of Hacking Darwin: Genetic Engineering and the Future of Humanity and founder of OneShared.World

"With a fresh and incisive take on how technology has long shaped our relationships with work and with each other, Debora Spar mines the past to show us where we are going next. Work Mate Marry Love is a sweeping, fascinating journey that tells us what we need to know now to be prepared for the next inevitable wave of change." —Patrick J. McGinnis, author of Fear of Missing Out and host of the podcast FOMO Sapiens

- Less…

Debora L. Spar

Debora L. Spar is the MBA Class of 1952 Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School and the former president of Barnard College. Her previous books include Wonder Women: Sex, Power, and the Quest for Perfection and Ruling the Waves: Cycles of Discovery, Chaos, and Wealth from the Compass to the Internet.

image of Debora L. Sparo
Margaret Lampert

Debora L. Spar

Farrar, Straus and Giroux

Latest on Facebook

LATEST ON TWITTER