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The Optics of Illusion
The Power of Attraction
I step into an elevator at the courthouse. A well-dressed, handsome man gets into the elevator with me, smiles and says good morning. I assume he is a lawyer because like me, he is wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase. I reciprocate his friendliness as we make small talk because I assume I am speaking to a colleague.
When I learn that we are going to the same department, I ask him which case he is on. He gives the name of one of the defendants I am prosecuting. Because I know the defense attorney on that case from past court appearances, I ask him if he is taking over the case from the lawyer who currently represents the defendant. Without missing a beat he explains that he is the defendant.
Well ... this is awkward. Let me tell you, the man who got into the elevator looked nothing like his mug shot-or the way he looked in court in his bright orange jail-issued jumpsuit before he bailed out of custody.
Do you want to know the charges? Serial rapist. You see, although this guy had access to plenty of consensual sex partners, he was only aroused by nonconsensual sex. How did he make bail? He was successful in business for the same reasons he was successful in seducing women.
See if you can guess how he lured women into agreeing to spend the night with him. That's right. He used his charm, charisma, and handsome good looks-the same qualities that I found so engaging in the elevator. He used the same tactics to ingratiate himself with the women on the jury when he testified at his trial. Showing up looking like he just walked off an episode of Miami Vice, he sat through his trial making eyes at the women on the jury-some of whom I caught reciprocating the attention.
This is problematic, because a study that focused on the relative attractiveness of victims and defendants in rape cases found that attractive men who raped unattractive victims were less likely to be viewed as guilty.1 Can you believe this?
In order to make sense of this phenomenon, let's approach the discussion of the disarming power of attraction by examining the psychology behind the seduction.
The Science Behind the Seduction:
Attraction Breeds Interaction
Attractiveness sparks relational contact.2 Good-looking people draw others like a magnet, and generate positive feelings. Within romantic relationships, a person's perception of his or her partner as physically attractive boosts relational satisfaction and feelings of love.3
But we don't even need to know attractive people personally to have them make us feel good. Research shows that merely looking at photos of attractive individuals can be a source of erotic pleasure.4
On the other hand, physical attraction can overpower our will, cloud our judgment, and override our senses, causing us to see what we want to see-and ignore what we don't. And it doesn't take long. Because many of my rape cases begin as consensual encounters, consider the dynamics of attraction that are in play as early as the first date.
Annette meets Nathan at her fitness club where he is a new member. After about ten minutes of friendly treadmill conversation, he asks her out to dinner. Where? He tells her to choose the restaurant, explaining that he is new in town, instructing her: "Surprise me. Text me the name of the restaurant, and I'll meet you there at eight on Friday night."
Annette, infatuated with Nathan's good looks, agrees. Once she arrives at her venue of choice, however, Nathan is fifteen minutes late. But Annette forgets about that quickly as he makes up for his tardiness with effusive compliments, making her blush with the terminology he uses to describe his attraction to her when he first saw her in her leotard at the gym.
Nathan immediately orders tequila shots for both of them, to toast the beginning of their relationship. While Annette doesn't drink tequila, she does her best to ignore the fire in her throat as she tries to be a good sport. She is already feeling light-headed by the time he orders another round.
Although Nathan begins to make her uncomfortable with questions about her sexual preferences, he tempers her discomfort with generous flattery, telling her he could look into her beautiful eyes all night. After the third shot of tequila, however, when her eyes are probably more bloodshot than beautiful, Nathan wants to know how far she lives from the restaurant. Through a haze of straight shots and mixed feelings, Annette wonders where this is going.
Under the Influence in More Ways Than One:
Intoxication Through Infatuation
I can tell you where it went. Downhill fast. Nathan was the good-looking guy in the elevator that I mistook for a lawyer, and Annette was his latest date rape victim. Why did she agree to let him come home to her apartment after dinner? Because through the hazy mix of emotional and physical intoxication, Nathan looked really good.
So what should Annette have seen? Some women might have been put off by Nathan's suggestion that she pick the restaurant and meet him there. Setting up a first date is usually a man's job, as is picking up his date. Here, not only did Nathan reverse those roles, he didn't even arrive on time.
But it was a test. Annette agreed to it-something the Nathans of the world view as a sign of weakness and vulnerability. And some men are sexually attracted to women who exhibit signs of sexual exploitability.5 Single men like Nathan seeking casual sex are particularly likely to perceive this vulnerability.6
Looking back, Annette tells me that one of the reasons she thought Nathan was a safe guy was because he asked her lots of questions and appeared to be very interested in everything she had to say. The important question, however, is why. Was he interested in a romantic relationship or a one-night stand?
The focus of his questions-on sexual practices and how far away she lived-provide some clues. We gain more clues through examining other areas of Nathan's life that unfortunately Annette didn't know about because he made her do all the talking.
Nathan was new in town because he lives a nomadic lifestyle, switching jobs and partners frequently-which is both a sign of psychopathy7 and indicative of general irresponsibility-also a psychopathic trait.8 His shallow, superficial associations with romantic partners might be symptomatic of attachment difficulties, or psychopathic superficiality.9
But wait a minute, you might be thinking, lots of people have multiple sexual partners, move frequently, or change jobs. Some people are simply easily bored, happy-go-lucky, or not interested in a committed relationship.
That's all true. But in Nathan's case, his nomadic lifestyle and superficial associations facilitated his date rape behavior-which was always preceded by minimal contact beforehand, and very little self-disclosure, as Nathan always focused on his dates. Most women fell for his "reverse selfie" routine and were too flattered at his interest and attention to notice that he never revealed anything about himself. None of them saw his car, where he lived, or any forms of identification. This was no accident. Nathan wasn't even his real name.
More importantly, most women didn't report the rape because they were too ashamed to admit they drank as much as they did and invited a man they hardly knew to come home with them in the first place. That was all part of Nathan's plan. The alcohol also served the additional purpose of ensuring the women were fuzzy on the details after they left the restaurant, which would decrease the credibility of their allegations, if they were courageous enough to make any.
READING RED FLAGS ON A FIRST DATE
Focus: Does he ask about you, or tell you about himself? Does he emphasize financial status, relationship potential, or sexual prowess?
Lifestyle: Is he late and underdressed, or early and well groomed? Is he soft or muscular? Does his failure to make a reservation result in the two of you crammed like sardines onto stools eating at the bar, yelling to hear each other over the noise, or did he visit the restaurant the day before in order to select and reserve the best table?
Associations: Is his smart phone filled with photos from his best friend's bachelor party, or photos of his adorable niece and nephew? Does he live with his parents, alone, or in a fraternity house?
Goals: What type of impression does he try to make? Does he take you to a trendy hotspot, casual sports bar, or reserve a beachfront candlelit table for two? Does he express long-term ambitions, or a carefree, happy-go-lucky attitude toward life? Does he ask about your choice of career, or your preferred method of contraception?
Why Beautiful Looks Good:
The Halo Effect
Attractive people can deceive us due to our tendency to believe that "what is beautiful is good,"10 even when it is not. The halo effect is well supported in research, and refers to our assumption that physically attractive people have positive qualities in other areas.11
Attractive people are consistently regarded in a more positive light than their less attractive counterparts.12 We view good-looking individuals as honest, intelligent, talented, and kind.13
As powerful as it is, the halo effect is a perceptual bias.14 Although people attribute positive qualities to good-looking people and negative qualities to people who are unattractive, these stereotypes are not accurate.15
The halo effect is dangerous because it can make bad look good. This is important because physical attractiveness is one of the most significant factors generating romantic attraction.16 One particularly disturbing finding is that good-looking people are viewed as trustworthy when it comes to keeping secrets.17 You can imagine the problems this causes when dealing with attractive manipulators.
Does the bloom ever leave the rose? In many cases, no. Attractive people are judged more positively even by people who know them.18 Within friendship and dating relationships, this may cause the illusion of good to persevere, even despite evidence to the contrary.
The beautiful-is-good phenomenon operates in a variety of contexts. Good-looking political candidates gain more votes.19 Attractive students are viewed more favorably by teachers.20 And in the workforce, the halo effect is consistently blessing job candidates with perceived qualities they don't have.
Employers favor more attractive job applicants simply by viewing resumes-believing they will make better employees.21 And in job interviews, physical appearance has more impact on job interviewer ratings than verbal behavior, nonverbal behavior, or impression-management techniques.22 In fact, it has been suggested that managers consider structured phone interviews instead of in-person interviews in order to reduce the impact of physical attractiveness on rating potential employees.23
The beautiful-is-good phenomenon also operates online-debunking the notion that the Internet "levels the playing field" by allowing an attractive personality to compensate for a less attractive physical appearance.24Research shows that men with attractive photos in online dating profiles have the text of their profiles rated as more attractive as well.25
And on Internet dating sites, people select potential partners based primarily on their physical attractiveness as displayed in their profile photos.26 They make judgments based on physical appearance, and proceed to filter subsequent information through those judgments-which are often inaccurate.27
When Bad Is Beautiful:
Seeing a Halo When You Should See Horns
I am in the courtroom getting ready to start trial. The defendant I am prosecuting is a wealthy young man who looks like a celebrity. The defense attorney is every bit as good-looking as his client. As I watch the prospective jurors file in, I notice that many of them smile at the two handsome men at the defense table. Some say good morning. With the psychological cards stacked against me, I realize that I am in for an uphill battle.
Most telling, however, is the jurors' reactions when they hear the judge read the charges. "Ladies and gentlemen, the defendant is charged with human trafficking." "Child molestation." "Being a sexually violent predator." "Forcible rape." My caseload consists of prosecuting the worst of the worst.
Instead of anger and disgust, I often see a look of confusion. What? That guy? The handsome guy in the suit?Yes. How do you think he was able to lure so many victims? A child molester doesn't drive to court in an ice cream truck with pockets full of candy and a bank robber doesn't walk into the courtroom with a stocking over his head. Yet the confusion on some of the jurors' faces suggests that these are the stereotypes they were expecting to see.
I face similar challenges with attractive female defendants. I have prosecuted beautiful women for crimes ranging from throwing their newborn baby in a dumpster to having sex with their pre-teen male students. Despite the seriousness of these charges, during some of these trials, I look over and see jurors staring at the pretty lady in the defendant's chair with a smile on their face, instead of paying attention to the testimony from the witness stand.
Sometimes the court of public opinion is already sounding off about the supposed guilt or innocence of an attractive criminal defendant before the newly arrested heartthrob ever sees a court of law. In a virtual age where retweeted images go viral overnight, criminal mug shots turned glamour shots have redefined the "most wanted" criminal-demonstrating how pretty faces are pre-judged.
The beautiful-criminal-gets-a-break phenomenon is supported by research both in field studies and in laboratory experiments.28 Attractive defendants fare better in terms of both guilt and punishment. Research reveals that less attractive defendants were two and one half times more likely than attractive defendants to be found guilty by mock juries,29 and attractive criminals receive more lenient sanctions.30 One study found that handsome defendants were twice as likely to avoid custody as their less attractive counterparts.31
Not only do they receive better treatment from the criminal justice system, attractive criminals often do very well with the ladies. I prosecuted a white supremacist charged with a series of hate crimes who cut quite the handsome figure in the courtroom ... until he turned around and you saw the large black swastika tattooed on the back of his shaved head. One of the most memorable things about his case, however, was his "better half."
A graduate student, she was demure, polite, and here comes the most interesting part: Latina. I couldn't resist. I asked her, given her heritage, how did she feel about being involved with a white supremacist? Did her parents like him? Was spending time together in public awkward with the swastika? She just shrugged. He is very good-looking, she explained. So there you have it.
The last I heard, they were still together. For her sake, I hope he grew out his hair.
As unbelievable as it sounds, becoming involved with criminals based on their good looks alone is well documented. Sheila Isenberg, in Women Who Love Men Who Kill, describes one woman who decided to replace her boyfriend with a convicted murderer serving a life sentence as soon as she saw his photo.32 Isenberg explains her reaction-"He was gorgeous! I just sat there and looked at the picture. That is going to be my husband one day, I'm going to marry this man."33
Another woman describes her immediate attraction to a convicted criminal who had received a death sentence: "I was thunderstruck ... There was something about him that was so compelling."34 Explaining how her love for this murderer took priority over her career, this woman states, "I remember him as one of the most attractive people I had ever seen in my life. Nothing I have ever found out has altered that image or changed it in any way."35 True to her words, after learning about his lifetime of criminality leading up to the murder, she left her husband for him.36
These shocking examples illustrate the extent to which, when presented with good-looking individuals, some people see a halo when they should be seeing horns.
When Red Flags Look Red Hot:
Discerning the Heart of the Heartthrob
Beauty blinds in a variety of settings. From the courtroom to the boardroom to the bedroom. What reveals the heart of the heartthrob, however, is the way beauty is used.
People with Dark Triad personality often engage in "effective adornment"-intentionally cultivating an attractive exterior as a "social lure."37 They dress to impress in order to capitalize on the positive attention they receive, as well as to spark short-term romantic liaisons.38
Many attractive manipulators exhibit characteristics of narcissism. Just like the mythical Narcissus, who was mesmerized with his own reflection in a pool of water, narcissists are preoccupied with making themselves as attractive as possible.39 Narcissists intentionally showcase themselves through wearing expensive, flashy clothing to enhance their appearance and perceived status.40 Narcissistic women additionally enhance their appearance through cleavage and makeup.41
In addition to playing up their physical appearance, narcissists also exhibit attractive facial expressions, verbal humor, and confident body movements-all of which enhance their popularity.42 They also seek to arouse potential mates through sexual language and exhibitionistic behavior.43
There are, however, lots of good people who are attractive, outgoing, and flirtatious, and who do not have dark personality traits. It is the underlying motivation and goals that separate the good from the just good-looking. In order to tell the difference, examine the FLAGs to see how people use their physical attractiveness.
Some people are self-focused, checking their appearance in every passing mirror, paying little attention to their dates. Others are focused on their partners, seeking to please by wearing their partners' favorite outfits of theirs when they go out together.
Some people lead a lifestyle geared toward using their physical assets to get ahead. Others believe that less is more. Some women with gorgeous figures avoid provocative clothing, choosing a more professional image instead. They prefer to showcase their intellectual side, knowing they look great in anything they wear. Some women with gorgeous hair maintain it with expensive salon treatments, while others routinely donate their locks to make wigs for cancer victims.
While many people use their physical beauty to achieve their goals, what separates the good from the bad is howthey do it. There is a difference between using beauty to facilitate success, or to manipulate success by cutting corners.
Some people use their looks to pursue legitimate careers in modeling, film, or television. Others prefer a "casting couch" approach, using their looks to seduce people in power in order to circumvent the need to ascend legitimately through the ranks.
This distinction is similar to the operations of smart criminals. Sophisticated offenders cultivate elaborate schemes to perpetrate crime. With their intelligence, they could likely achieve the same results through legal means. The difference is that some people don't want to work for their goals; they want a shortcut. They would rather get what they want through manipulation than through legitimate effort.
Research reveals that people can recognize this difference. In a study aptly entitled "Beautiful but Dangerous," researchers found granting leniency to an attractive criminal to be related to whether or not the criminal used her attractiveness to facilitate the crime.44 Subjects assigned more lenient sentences to the fictional defendant when she committed a crime unrelated to her attractiveness (burglary), but assigned harsher sentences when she was described as committing the attractiveness-related crime of swindling-which involved ingratiating herself with the victim.45
GAUGING WHEN BEAUTIFUL IS GOOD
Focus: How much attention does an attractive person pay to his or her appearance?
Lifestyle: Does a person get ahead through using beauty rather than brains?
Associations: Does an attractive person surround herself with fans, family or longtime friends?
Goals: Does someone use their physical attributes to benefit themselves or to help others?
The Multifaceted Lens of Attraction
Sometimes we can't put our finger on why we seem to be hopelessly attracted to another person. Actually, it can be a mix of factors. In Erotic Capital, Catherine Hakim describes the elements of erotic capital as a combination of both physical and social attractiveness that goes far beyond pure sex appeal.46 She describes it as a combination of "beauty, sex appeal, liveliness, a talent for dressing well, charm and social skills, and sexual competence."47
In other cases, beauty may truly be in the eye of the beholder-particularly when it comes to judging facial attractiveness, where what is referred to as private taste may play a role.48 In other cases, perceptions of attractiveness may stem from the "love-is-blind bias"-a positive illusion where people view their partners as more attractive than they really are.49
In some situations, we may find ourselves attracted to a certain look based on our current emotional state. In one study, men who were made to feel depressed expressed greater attraction for a "girl next door" who demonstrated warm expressiveness and low sexual maturity, over an inexpressive but sexually mature "ice princess."50 Men who were made to feel elated, on the other hand, preferred the "ice princess."51
We are even attracted to people who are wearing certain colors. True to stereotype, research reveals that the color red causes men to view women as sexually desirable and attractive.52 (Yes, I wear a lot of red suits.)
Researchers investigating whether or not the color red really is an aphrodisiac for men, due to what is referred to in the literature as the "red-sex" link, conducted a series of experiments showing men photos of women against backgrounds that were either red or a series of other colors, including white. The results? Men consistently perceived the women shown against red backgrounds to be more attractive and sexually desirable.53
What about the ladies? Sure enough, the color red also enhanced women's attraction and sexual desire for men that were shown in red clothing and against a red background.54 Interestingly, in this study, the correlation was tied to the women's perception about the men's status, because higher status for males is linked to association with the color red.55
More Than Skin Deep
As the famous saying goes, there is more to attraction than physical appearance. How many of us have fallen head over heels for someone that made our best friends shake their heads in disbelief. What does she see in him?If you have ever had a crush on a less-than-physically-perfect suitor, you are not alone. There is much more to attraction than meets the eye.
While physical appearance is the most significant factor that we use to judge others,56 attraction is also generated by nonphysical characteristics.57 Physical attractiveness is enhanced through a wide variety of personality characteristics such as prosocial orientation58 exhibition, and extraversion.59 The perception of physical beauty is also enhanced by social status60 as well as the perception of honesty.61
Psychologists have also recognized dynamic attractiveness-which includes nonphysical traits,62 such as sense of humor, conversation skills, and nonverbal expression.63 Perceived beauty can also be enhanced by a positive personality.64 One study found that men who received positive personality information about women rated them to be more attractive across a broad range of body sizes, as compared to a control group.65
Within relationships, perceived physical attractiveness also stems from factors other than physical appearance.66Social attractiveness is generated through positive interaction within a relationship.67 What kind of interaction makes people more socially attractive? It can be something as simple as being amusing, or having good communication skills.68
Sometimes, we find someone to be attractive because everyone else does. Researchers explain this as thecelebrity effect-where peer esteem is a quality that is as desirable as wealth or physical attractiveness.69 This has been demonstrated in studying mate copying, where mating interest is influenced by the opinion of others, and how much attention others pay to a person.70 Receiving a high amount of attention from peers can compensate for low physical attractiveness, and can make another person appear more desirable, regardless of wealth.71
Attraction can also be generated through positive emotion, such as the warm feeling generated through likability.
Likability Covers a Multitude of Crimes
One Friday night when I was on a ride-along with the California Highway Patrol, we stopped a couple who were on their way to the airport to fly to Las Vegas to get married, and were wearing the clothes to prove it. They were speeding. They were also sober, sympathetic, and sincere. They got a warning-and hopefully made their flight.
While the cases I prosecute are far more serious than speeding, consider an example of how I struggle with the disarming power of likability in handling my own cases as well. As I take my seat along with the judge and probation officer in the judge's chambers for a pre-trial conference, the defense attorney breezes in wearing a bright orange suit with a bright smile to match. She greets everyone warmly and asks if we were able to take some time to enjoy the great weather over the weekend.
As we get down to business, she is in complete agreement with the heinous conduct of her client. "Vile and despicable behavior," she agrees, shaking her head in disgust. In light of the fact that I argue for a living (literally), her agreeableness is a breath of fresh air.
She assures us that she hasn't come to persuade us of her client's innocence or to attempt to sugarcoat the facts. Instead, she hands out packages of mitigating circumstances regarding what drove him to such horrific behavior.
She took the time to make a package for each of us, explaining that she wants to make sure that we are all literally on the same page so we can streamline our respective arguments at the next hearing. She is open, friendly, and respectful, emphasizing the fact that while we play different roles, our ultimate interests are the same-making sure that justice is done.
While ultimately I will make my decision on what to offer her client based on the evidence, I have to recognize and suppress my instinct to treat her client favorably not based on how I feel about his behavior, but because of the way I feel about her.
My feelings are explained by the liking heuristic, which states that we are more likely to give likable people what they ask for.72 When we like someone, we will generally also trust and respect them.73 This often leads to the desire to please them in order to gain their approval.74 Other research suggests that we are innately predisposed to comply with the requests of people we like.75
In a professional context, likability can be enhanced further through personalization. For example, I might like the defense attorney even more had she breezed into the room and spilled her coffee, because clumsy blunders by people we perceive as competent often humanizes them, making them even more endearing.76
Why is likability so attractive in the first place? It is linked with happiness. Happy people are likable77 and make others feel good because positive emotion is contagious.78 Not surprisingly, happy people are viewed as more popular and attractive than their less cheerful peers,79 which leads others to seek out their company.
In the workplace, for example, there is a tendency for both colleagues and superiors to extend greater accommodation to positive employees in order to increase interaction, which is consistent with research demonstrating that people in good moods intentionally seek to preserve their positive emotional state.80
While genuinely happy people attract others like magnets, some people project a false front of happiness in order to increase their perceived likability.81 Consider the following example of cultivated likability that has fooled countless victims and witnesses throughout the course of my career.
"I Never Met a Child Molester I Didn't Like"
Did I get your attention? This quote is famously associated with victims, families of victims, employers, neighbors, friends, and law enforcement agents around the world, in describing their strong attraction to a person who later turned out to be a pedophile. The reason child predators are so successful is because they are so likable!
For child predators, likability is a lure. They ingratiate themselves with potential victims through constant smiling along with friendly conversation and remembering children's names.82 One offender admits using his smile as his "entrée," describing himself "like a salesman, but I'm never off work."83
Yet there are ways to spot the phony. One predator notes that some smiles do not include the eyes-implicating one facet of psychopathy.84 And while generally, smiling can prompt perceived sincerity,85 authentic smiles produce a greater degree of emotional contagion and simulation than artificial grins.86
The Captivation of Charisma
While charisma is a concept that is hard to define, we "know it when we see it." Unfortunately, sometimes I see it in the courtroom-sitting on the wrong side of the table. Consider this case in point.
Portly, short, and losing his hair, one of the men I prosecuted had more girlfriends than you could count. Several of his girlfriends showed up to watch the trial. More of a harem, really. The ensuing drama of having these women in the same room together proved to be quite a distraction for the jury, effectively turning the courtroom seating area into an episode of the Jerry Springer Show.
With these histrionics already in full swing even before I called my first witness, I peered over at the defense table at the overweight, balding figure sitting in the defendant's chair. I was mystified. What are these women looking at?
Once the trial began, however, and I was in the courtroom with the defendant every day, I began to understand. This guy might not be much to look at, but his mannerisms, style, voice, and strong personality were impressive.
Sure, he was overweight. But he camouflaged problem areas with trendy clothing more effectively than a professional model on the runway. Yes, he was short. But he carried himself like John Travolta with a swagger to match.
When he testified, he had a voice like a radio disc jockey-cool, confident, and charismatic. Are you getting the picture? By the time he left the witness stand, I completely understood why this man did so well with the ladies. I began to worry about the women on the jury ...
Positive Use of Positive Personality
You can imagine when we analyze the FLAGs of a guy who has managed to juggle multiple girlfriends while engaged in a life of crime we would find a lot of red. The jury did as well. Although even after he was convicted, I was told that the line of women waiting to visit him in jail was one of the longest they had ever seen.
Thankfully, it is not only criminals who attract others through their captivating personalities. Many good people use nonphysical tools of attraction in pursuit of benevolent goals. They use positive personality, charisma, and dynamic interaction skills to selflessly pour into the lives of others. They empower young people by serving as engaging role models, encouraging family members with their upbeat outlook on life, and using their social skills to enhance relationships both personal and professional.
They are open and outgoing. They are the ones at the party who always seem to be laughing and having a good time-but never at the expense of anyone else. They are focused on others. Their associations include family members and lifelong friends, as opposed to the type of superficial acquaintances that characterize the social circle of people who use others for ulterior motives. They make friends and keep them, not use them and discard them.
Their goals are to enhance the lives of others, and their other-focused mentality is demonstrated through their goal-driven behavior. They love to see others succeed, and it shows. These people are worth their weight in gold.
The bottom line with the power of attraction is that because appearances can be deceiving, it pays to take the time to evaluate everyone we meet in order to make sure that what looks good on the outside is also good on the inside.
Copyright © 2015 by Wendy L. Patrick, Ph.D.