Introduction


Welcome. I am so excited you are here! I can safely say this book is not like any other one you have on your nightstand. It is not a “parenting” book about whether you should let your kid cry it out or have them sleep in the bed next to you. This book is about and for you. It is a guide to actually doing what everyone will tell you to do—“take care of yourself”—but no one will show you how to do. This book will.

Motherhood is an incredible journey—probably the most life-changing you will ever undertake. It has unimaginable highs and, sometimes, completely unexpected lows. It is the hardest job you will ever love, and it is one where you learn on the job every minute of every day.

New and expecting moms are given buckets of information and advice (some good, some terrible, most unsolicited) about how to give birth to babies and raise children, but few of us receive the focused support and wisdom we need to help us adapt to, and thrive in, our new role and new life circumstances. In fact, movies, TV shows, friends, and family often project the image of a seamless transition to motherhood, one in which happiness and confidence come easily.

Yes, there is so much happiness and so many natural moments of wonder ahead, but I don’t think there’s a mom out there who hasn’t struggled through an equal (or greater) number of times when she was unsure of what she was doing, felt overwhelmed by the challenges before her, was too exhausted to think straight, wondered where some part of her had gone to, or just wanted to feel supported, understood, and accepted through all of it.

ALL MOMS ARE WELCOME HERE

Whatever your point of embarkation—pregnancy, adoption, third-party reproduction, or another way—whatever your family looks like—a mom and a dad, two moms, just you, or another configuration—whatever background or community you come from, whatever challenges you face, this book is for you.

We are all human beings, and we will have different and complicated reactions to different phases and experiences of pregnancy and parenthood. That is not only okay, it is beautiful. It would be so boring if we were all the same.

HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

Think of it as a nonjudgmental friend who is willing to listen to everything—the good, the bad, and the ugly—and who is committed to lifting you up when you are down, celebrating with you when you are excited, researching the best ways to get you safely over the bumps on the road, and making sure that you really, truly are taking care of yourself. The book is divided into three parts:

Part I: Expecting Strong: Your Emotional Guide to Pregnancy

Part II: Starting Strong: Your Guide to Thriving in the First Year

Part III: Staying Strong: The Big Picture of Motherhood

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

Part I: For those opening this book before—or in the early part of—pregnancy, you might want to read straight through.

Part II: If you’re picking this book up after pregnancy or you are a non-bio or adoptive mom, this is likely where you’ll want to begin. It tackles big topics that apply all the way through motherhood—such as how to get good sleep for your mental health, ways to make exercise and self-care a habit, how to manage conflict with your partner, sex, mental health disorders and how to get help for them, returning to work, and much more.

Part III the final section, covers the philosophical issues of motherhood, including the historical and current expectations placed on mothers and how they shape the way we treat ourselves as mothers and people. But it also has very practical advice for approaching the job as a learning experience, being kind to yourself when things go differently from how you’d wanted, letting go of the urge to compare yourself to others, and why being a “good enough mother” is the best possible thing you can do for your family and yourself.

Within each part are clearly named sections that will tell you exactly the issues they address, such as:

“Why Sleep Matters and How to Get It”

“Preparing to Feed Your Child in a Way That Works for You”

“Sex During Pregnancy”

“Bonding with Babies 101”

So, you can also pop in and out of the sections that speak to wherever you are on the journey.

I promise that somewhere in this book you will find a challenge (or twenty-three) you are facing (or have faced) and concrete ways to move through it and arrive at a stronger place.

EXPERT ADVICE

I have woven my personal story into this book, because it is the reason I knew it had to be written, but I spoke with more than one hundred experts who spend all their time researching pregnancy, motherhood, emotional health, and more to offer you scientifically validated solutions and support.

Here’s a short list of the kinds of experts I spoke with:

• sleep

• exercise

• genetic testing

• social support

• grief

• sex

• relationships

• parenting

• birth

• infant development

• maternal and reproductive mental health

• feeding (both breast and formula)

• childcare

• career coaching

• self-compassion

• self-care

• motherhood historians and psychologists

READ THE VOICES OF OTHER MOMS IN THE “BEEN THERE, DONE THAT” SECTIONS

All our experiences are unique to us, but I can guarantee that there is another woman out there who has felt or feels very similar to how you are feeling. That’s why I surveyed nearly two hundred women from around the country and even a few overseas to include their voices, experiences, and advice in the “Been There, Done That” sections. I am so grateful for the honesty and detail they brought to their answers.

I think of those sections as sitting down with an incredibly diverse and nonjudgmental moms’ group where everyone feels free to say just what she is going through. I know they will bring you relief, camaraderie, humor, and some really good advice that can only come from people who have been there and done that.

MY GREAT HOPE

My goal for this book is to give you tools to build for yourself a supportive community and a strong base from which to launch the greatest adventure of your life. It is adaptable and heterogeneous. The only uniform message I have to share is that becoming a parent is likely the most profound experience you will have in your lifetime, and no experience worth its life-changing salt will be easy. There will be struggle. There will be lows. There will be highs. And long stretches in between that feel monotonous when you are in them but may prove beautiful when you look back at them.

And when you struggle, and when it’s hard, you should have license to express that, to reach out for help, to try something new, and find a way forward that is easier for you. You should feel supported through all of this. You deserve to have whatever you need to be strong as a mother.

You ready?


Copyright © 2018 by Kate Rope