1.
The Ninth of Janvember
Long, long ago, there was a time called “the olden days.” The olden days came before nowadays, which is when we live. But it came after “the olden olden days,” when everybody lived in caves and spoke in grunts and hit each other with clubs all day.
The olden days was a time of magic and monsters and knights and castles. And in one of those castles there lived a nine-year-old boy. His name was King Edwin Flashypants, and he was about to hide inside a box of cornflakes.
If you try this in your kitchen, you won’t fit, unless you’ve just shrunk to the size of a pencil case—and if you have, then please see a doctor right away. But Edwin was a king, so he had a giant box of cereal specially made for banquets. It was as big as a mattress.
His friends gave him a leg up. He tumbled inside with a FLUMP-SCRUNCH and poked two holes in the cardboard so he could see out.
“She’ll be waking up soon!” said Edwin. “Everybody hide, quick as you can!”
Edwin’s pals hurried around the castle’s kitchen.
Minister Jill, the grown-up who helped Edwin with the difficult bits of running a kingdom, crawled into a sack of potatoes.
Centurion Alisha and her palace guards hid among the pots and pans.
Baxter the Hermit, whose beard was longer than he was, did a headstand in a vase. He was pretending to be a potted plant.
“Baxter, she’ll see you there for sure,” said King Edwin, but Baxter couldn’t hear because his ears were full of dirt.
Upstairs in the castle, an alarm clock went BONG.
Megan the Jester jumped out of her jester-shaped bed. She checked the calendar.
“The ninth of Janvember!” said Megan. “It’s my birthday!”
She was so excited, she slid down all the banisters in the castle, knocking over Minister Jill’s signs that said Please Don’t Slide Down the Banisters. Then she ran to the kitchen, where she knew that Edwin and all her friends would be waiting to give her a special birthday breakfast.
But the kitchen was quiet.
“Nobody here,” said Megan.
“Everything’s normal, except for that weird hairy plant on the table.”
She slumped down on the potato sack. For a second, she thought she heard a potato say, “Ouch.”
“I suppose I’ll have to make my own birthday breakfast,” sighed Megan.
She hefted the giant box of cornflakes off the counter. It seemed heavier than normal. Then she tipped it over her favorite bowl. Out came a thousand cornflakes—and a nine-year-old king.
“Surprise!” shouted Edwin.
“SURPRISE!” shouted everybody else as they jumped out from their hiding places.
“You did remember, you did, you did!” said Megan. She couldn’t have been happier.
“And now for the birthday presents!” said Edwin.
Centurion Alisha and the other palace guards gave Megan a pogo stick.
“It’s a pogo stick,” said Centurion Alisha.
“Thanks—oof! Just what I— oof!— wanted— oof!” said Megan, who was already pogoing her head into the kitchen ceiling.
“I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so I thought I’d give you money,” said Minister Jill. There are some grown-ups who always do that, and Jill was one of them.
Baxter gave Megan a single glove and promised that if she wore it a lot, he would buy her a matching one next year.
“I’ve made you a present,” said King Edwin. “Just close your eyes, Megan…”
Megan closed her eyes. She hoped it was going to be as wonderful as a pogo stick, money, or a single glove.
“Open them!” said Edwin.
Megan looked. There was a mirror in front of her—and in the mirror, Megan saw she was wearing a hat made from a cardboard box. Paper lightning bolts were held on with tape.
There was a cape made from a comforter around her shoulders. Edwin looked just as strange. What was this all about?
“Hope you like my present, Megan. It’s an idea I’ve had. We’re going to play
Because this was the olden days, and Edwin was the first person ever to think of superheroes, he had to explain what they were.
“Superheroes have costumes and exciting names, and they go around fighting baddies and saving the world with their superpowers!”
“Are superpowers like magic powers?” said Megan.
“No,” said Edwin. “Superpowers are different. They’re super.”
Nobody quite understood the difference, but because Edwin was the king, everyone nodded as if they did.
Edwin handed Megan some Hero Information Cards with everything she needed to know.
Minister Jill thought, Clouds don’t have teeth. And sharks can’t tickle. This is nonsense. No, I think Megan would have liked a better present, like a nice vase or some light-brown socks or …
“I love it!” said Megan. “Hey, Shark Boy, let’s play superheroes!”
First, they all ate a really special birthday breakfast, with treats like eggs made out of sausage, and sausages made out of egg. Then King Edwin and Megan the Jester played superheroes for the rest of the morning. They saved the world from alien invaders and mechanical monsters.
Think of the best playtime you’ve ever had with your favorite friend. Now picture that day, but in a big castle full of slides and tunnels and trapdoors. That was the day Edwin and Megan had.
“Imagine if Warriors of Amazing Justice had to fight real villains,” said Edwin.
“But the only baddie around here is Emperor Nurbison, and I don’t think he’ll try anything again,” said Megan.
“Ha-ha! Not since we beat him twice, no!”
“We’re totally safe forever,” said Megan.
For a second, Edwin wondered if being a bit more worried about Emperor Nurbison would be a good thing for a king to do.
Then he thought, Let’s go and eat chips.
Copyright © 2017 by Andy Riley
